Love in the Time of Decay
by blacklitchick
Summary: Rick is at the dawn of realizing what Michonne means to him, but will this new world allow them to find happiness together.
1. Chapter 1

**Spoilers: **Takes place after the events of the season finale

**Disclaimer: ** All right belong to "The Walking Dead."

**Summary: **Rick is at the dawn of realizing what Michonne means to him, but will this new world allow them to find happiness together.

* * *

**I.**

The sound of laughter felt foreign to the women gathered around the couch and chairs. Rosita had worked a miracle on making her living room look festive with the purple and silver decorations Maggie found in Deanna's attic. Two card tables were set up to display the baked treats, sandwiches, and casserole made by Carol and Sasha. A large, plastic bowl housed Michonne's modified version of an alcohol punch she was famous for in law school. It was more punch than alcohol, but she had to make do with what Daryl brought back from his last recruitment endeavor.

One of the many luxuries of Alexandra was Deanna kept an accurate calendar since the world turned on its head. Today was October 17, 2014: Tara's 25th birthday. The woman of the hour was sitting on the couch still a bit too pale and a bit too thin, but she felt better than she had in the month since she awaken. She was happy to share her moment surrounded by the women she loved most in this new world...and Eugene. He refused to leave her side for any significant amount of time.

"Me, Mama, and my sisters used to do brunch every Sunday at my abuela's house," Rosita said as she walked around making sure everyone had enough food and drinks. "We each brought a side dish. Abuela refused to give up making the main course even when arthritis made her hands curl into balls. We could never get her to just sit and relax. She lived to take care of us." She paused a moment to wipe at the moisture was starting to build in her eyes. "But now you women are my sisters, my family. I'm glad we could all be here today to celebrate our Tara."

The women all raised their cups towards the woman. Tara was overwhelmed with emotion. She simultaneously felt grateful to have these women in her lives and sad at all of the losses they'd suffered. She missed her dad, sister, and niece so much. Another chunk of heart went away when she found out Noah was dead. She'd cried herself dry. She wouldn't know what to do if she lost anyone else.

"So Eugene," Tara said trying to volley her sadness away, "When is the last time you were surrounded by this many women."

"I believe it was the canasta party my mother had a few months before the world, as we knew it, fell apart." He said. "But as you all may have guessed, I was not inundated with a copious amount of attention from the female species in my former life. So I do thank you ladies for the windfall of good fortune that allowed me to be invited to today's festivities."

"It wouldn't have been the same without you." Tara said. She squeezed his hand.

Michonne smiled and shook her head at Eugene. She always got a kick out of the way he talked. She needed his levity right now. Rosita's speech took her back down the road to her past. Those wounds were barely stitched together with cheap thread. It would be so easy to open them again. She noticed Sasha get up to walk to the kitchen. After hesitating a moment she followed her.

"You okay?" Michonne asked as she watched Sasha fill a glass with water.

Sasha nodded and gave Michonne a grateful smile that still held a shadow of sadness. "I'm hanging in there."

"You know I'm always here for you if you need to talk." Michonne said as she placed a hand on Sasha's shoulder.

"I know." Sasha said and lightly covered Michonne's hand with her own before she walked back to the living room.

Rosita was setting up an old Monopoly board to challenge Eugene when Maggie rushed in. "Sorry I'm late. I was interviewing and recording the new recruit Aaron and Daryl brought back. Then I had to get him settled in his house." Maggie went around the room hugging all the women. When she pulled away from Michonne she said, "Oh, by the way Rick's looking for you."

Michonne looked at the clock above the mantle. "Yeah, I promised I would teach a knife combat class to anyone who wanted to learn today at 4:00. We're trying again since last time we offered only two people showed up. I'm going to need to head out a little early. I can't have the boss docking my pay."

"Like you don't have Rick wrapped around your finger." Rosita said with a laugh

"It's not like that at all." Michonne said.

"Well," Rosita said as she counted on her fingers, "We started our trek to Washington because you wanted to; we came here because you wouldn't let him say no to Aaron."

Michonne cut her off before she listed anything else. "It's _really_ not like that."

"Well..." Carol said.

"Not you too, Carol?"

The grayed-haired lady just shrugged and continued eating her sandwich.

"I'll see you ladies, and Eugene, later." Michonne said. Everyone saw the small smile on lips and knew she was only pretending to be irritated. She crouched down to give Tara a hug. "So glad you're feeling better. You should come help me out with training soon. Put some of those skills you learned at the Police Academy to use." She said.

"You got it." Tara said.

Maggie took a sip a punch and wrinkled her nose. "Wait Michonne. No offense, but my Daddy's grape juice that he passed off as communion wine had more kick than this."

"If you need more kick then convince Daryl to finally make that moonshine he's always going on about." Michonne said as she slipped on her sweater.

Maggie wrinkled her nose even further. "You know what? Never mind. I don't think any of us can handle anything that caused Daryl and Merle to pass out for a day and a half."

Michonne laughed. "You do have a point there."

* * *

**II.**

Rick walked down the streets of Alexandria wearing his constable's jacket, but he'd replaced the official shirt and tie with a black and white plaid shirt. A crisp chill was in the air. He knew winter would be here soon. He was grateful Judith wouldn't have to sleep outside in frozen weather. He stopped and looked at the walls. At least he hoped she wouldn't.

He continued walking as some people nodded a hello to him while others avoided his gaze all together. He made his way down the street where his group lived. He smiled and sped up when he saw Michonne exit Rosita's house. "Hey stranger." He called out to her.

Michonne closed the door and made her way down the porch steps. "We just saw each other this morning, Rick. We live in the same house you know." Michonne said as reached up to remove a tiny piece of tree moss that had fallen into his curls. The stood facing each other with only inches between them.

"I know but you didn't look like that this at breakfast." He said taking a step back to admire her. "You look…great." He gestured to the hair. "I like the bun, braid thang you have going on there."

"It's called a goddess braid, and a low chignon." She said smiling as she patted her hair. Michonne pulled her thick sweater around her as they started to walk in step with each other.

"Right. You know I'm never going to remember that." Rick said as he rubbed the beard that was growing back on his face.

"Yeah, no shit." She said

Rick laughed and looked at his watch. "I was going to get a quick bite to eat, but I think I need to go meet this new recruit. Come along?" He asked.

"Sure. I have a little time before my class starts."

They crossed the street and walked past the pond where leaves rich in colors of red and gold were starting to dot the surface. Michonne playfully kicked a small pile laying on the edge of the water at Rick. He laughed and kicked some back at her. He was glad Michonne was here to curb his worries about the community for a short while. As they rounded the lake they saw Tobin exit the armory carrying a rifle.

"Hey, Tobin," Michonne called out, "You keeping watch this evening?"

"Yes, ma'am." He said pleasantly. He barely looked at Rick and gave him a curt nod before continuing down the sidewalk.

"Good thing I'm wearing this sweater," Michonne said after Tobin left their earshot, "Otherwise I would have frozen from that chill."

Rick sneered. "Yeah, I pretty sure more than a few people here wished I never stepped foot in Alexandra. Tobin probably thinks I'm going to snap at any second and murder his family."

"They're just scared. I'm sure most of them haven't seen a walker since this whole thing started. You walking into the meeting covered in blood with a dead one over your shoulder was a shock." She said.

The two of them had to quickly move out of the way as a young boy ran between them carrying a ball. Rick grimaced.

"Apparently not scared enough. " He turned and waited until he saw the kid run into a house at the end of the street. "They don't get these walls don't mean shit if enough of the living or dead want to get in."

"Well I said that night everyone here would be lucky if even a little bit of Rick Grimes rubbed off on them." Michonne said.

"You said that?" Rick asked while looking at his friend in awe.

"Something like that. They needed to know." Michonne said.

He smiled and playfully pushed Michonne's shoulder with his. "My number one cheerleader."

"We all said great things about you because it's true, and we love you." She said.

Rick gave Michonne a sidelong look as they walked on in silence. He flipped the word "love" over and over in his head wondering why hearing the word come from Michonne's mouth caused a feeling he couldn't pinpoint come over him.

"Maggie mentioned she did the interview. I guess Deanna is still on her unofficial leave of absence." Michonne said breaking his reverie.

"Yeah. I think Maggie and Spencer are the only people she's talking to. She hasn't said a word to me since that night."

"Mmm," Michonne said. "Lost and sadness can make a person act in strange ways."

Rick stopped at an intersection, glanced down at his wedding band before turning towards Michonne. "Yeah." He said

"Yeah." She said. They stared at each until she pulled her eyes away and absentmindedly placed a hand on her stomach. "So who is this new guy?" She asked.

"His name is Craig. Daryl said they found him in the woods sleeping in a tent. He was pretty much a sitting duck for those Wolf people. Maggie placed him in the same house as Morgan. Thought it would help him adapt if he wasn't alone."

"Smart." Michonne said. "How are you and Morgan getting along?"

"Okay I guess. He's just so different now. He doesn't remember you or Carl being there the last time we saw him. He was that far gone. Now he's a Zen master. It doesn't make any sense."

"Nothing wrong with having a little Zen." Michonne said. "I miss doing Tai Chi in the early mornings back at the prison."

"Yeah, I used to watch you when I was on duty at the tower." Rick said

"You used to watch me?" Michonne asked looking amused.

Rick looked down feeling embarrassed. "Well, I wasn't being creepy or nothin' like that. I was just curious about what you were doing, and you had nice form."

"So you liked my form?" Michonne teased.

"We're here." Rick said avoiding the question. He knocked on the door as Michonne noticed the Buddha statue on the porch. She looked at Rick and raised an eyebrow. He just shook his head and shrugged.

Morgan opened the door while holding his bo staff. "Rick. Michonne. I'm so happy to see you both on this beautiful day." He opened the door wider to let them in.

"Nice Buddha." Michonne said.

"Thank you. He was up in the attic waiting for me when I got here. This is just further proof that I'm here for a reason. Please sit down." He gestured towards his couch.

"We're not here for a social visit. Came by to see Craig. Thought we'd introduce ourselves. See how y'all adjusting." Rick said as he walked deeper into the house, but didn't take a seat.

"Right. Of course." Morgan said. He went to the bottom of the stairs. "Craig," He called out, "We have some visitors."

Rick walked over to the staircase and watched as a man as tall as Tyrese, but not nearly as big, walked down the stairs. He had brown skin and was wearing a dirty Atlanta Braves baseball camp. He paused when made it halfway down. His eyes focused intently on Michonne. Rick became slightly alarmed and reached for the gun at his side. "You okay, man?" Rick drawled out.

The man ignored Rick. "Michonne?" He asked.

The woman, who had been looking out of the window, turned around. Recognition, joy, confusion, and sadness all passed through her eyes before she spoke. "Craig Jackson? What...how...how are you here?" She said as she ran over to the man. She hugged him tightly as tears ran down her face.

Morgan smiled and pulled out the rabbit's foot in his pocket. He turned to Rick and saw him look on in confusion with his hand still gripping the butt of the gun.

_To be continued_


	2. Chapter 2

**I.  
**

_1998_

_"Well, I guess that's that." Craig said as he looked over at Michonne sitting in the passenger's seat of his Honda Accord."_

_"I guess so." Michonne said. She ran her hands down the full skirt of her dress. She wanted something a little sexier, but her mom had vetoed that idea quickly. Seventeen was still the princess phase according to the woman. She wasn't going to have a daughter of hers walking into Prom "looking like a street walker." She didn't get to be sexy until she was 21. If she knew what her daughter just did, Michonne wouldn't make it to 21._

_"You don't, like, regret it do you, Chonney?" Craig looked at her with those big, brown puppy eyes she couldn't resist. She grabbed his hand._

_"No, I don't regret it. It was good." She smiled at him. "It was real good."_

_He smiled back at her. "Yeah, it was."_

_"The Maxwell CD was a nice touch."_

_"I wanted to make it special for you, baby." He pulled her to him and she rested her head on his shoulder._

_"Maybe 'Whenever Wherever Whatever' can be our wedding song." She said._

_"And our grandkids will sing a rendition of it at our 50th Anniversary Party."_

_Michonne laughed. "Sounds perfect."_

_"We have so much to look forward to, Chonney. I can't wait for us to get out in the world."_

_She snuggled closer to him. "I can't either."_

* * *

**II.**

Present Day

"I remember when my mom called and told me about your mom. I wanted to go to the funeral, but I'd just started at my new law firm. I meant to call you but..." Michonne trailed off. "I guess none of that matters anymore." She said after awhile.

"No it doesn't, Chonney." Craig sat on the couch and watched her.

Michonne stood up from her chair. Her arms were crossed tightly around her as she paced around the room. "I was kinda a shitty friend before all of this started."

"Nothing has ever been shitty about you, Turtle Dove." He said with a wink.

Michonne let out a surprised laugh. "Oh my god. I can't believe you still remember that old nickname."

"It's hard to forget you winning that bet in 8th grade. I'm still in awe that you actually ate 50 of those turtle candies in less than a minute."

"It was my proudest moment at that point in my life. You had to give me your brand new LL Cool J CD. It was a good day for me." Michonne laughed again.

"It was good for me too. I think I fell in love with you on that day."

Michonne's face fell. She walked back over to the chair she'd just vacated. She sat on the edge of the cushion; her arms still crossed tightly. "And seven short years later I broke your heart. Like I said, I was shitty."

"We changed a lot after we graduated high school. I shouldn't have expected you to love me forever like we promised on prom night."

"Yeah...I suppose." Michonne said. "I did love you. I just..."

"You just weren't in love with me anymore. I get it. I used to think our breakup was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Then mom died. The world turned to shit." Craig threw his hands in the air. "Rotting bodies chasing after you has a way of putting things in perspective."

"You were always so level-headed." She looked towards to kitchen to see if anyone was in earshot. "You will probably get along well with Morgan."

"He seems nice. A little strange, but nice." They laughed together.

Michonne brought her hands to her lap and stared at the tiny scars that had accumulated over the years from nicking herself with the katana. "When was the last time we saw each other? Was it your Med School graduation?"

"I think that was it. I heard you and Mike got married and had a kid? Are they here?" He asked

Michonne shook her head. "No," Her voice came out hoarse and she cleared her throat, "No, we never got married." She stared at her hands. "They're not here."

Those words hung in the air a moment before it clicked for Craig what they meant "Oh, Chonney," He walked over to where Michonne was sitting and knelled in front of her, "I'm so sorry, baby." He brought her body to his in a tight hug. She laid her head on his shoulder and let a few silent tears escape her eyes before pulling away.

"You were always too good to me. I didn't deserve you." Michonne said while wiping her eyes.

"Yeah, that's what all the boys like to hear after the pretty girl dumps them." He reached up and smoothed back a dread that was trying to escape her braid. "Even in the end of the world you're still as beautiful as ever."

His face was only inches from hers. She could feel the warmth of his breath. Being this close to Craig felt both familiar and foreign. Her mind couldn't fathom her past and present colliding in this way. She was on the verge of rejecting the reality of Craig actually being there. She took both of his hands in hers and squeezed them tightly.

"I'm happy you're alive." She whispered and stood up. Craig did as well; towering over her. She felt a huge pressure on her chest and needed to leave the small room. "I was on my way to teach a combat class before I came here. I have to go do that now. Um you probably need to get settled. I'll talk to you later." Michonne rushed out of the house before Craig could say anything else.

* * *

**III.  
**

Michonne breathed in deeply as she exited the house. The cool air was a relief to her lungs. The pressure in her chest started to dissipate. She moved quickly down porch steps and turned the corner so fast she almost ran right into Rick.

"What are you doing here? I thought you left?" She looked back to the house to see if Craig followed her. The porch was empty.

Rick followed the path of her eyes. He was concerned by how fast she ran out of there. "I left the house, but I didn't want to go too far away in case you needed me." He tilted his head to the side and took in her wet eyes; her heaving chest. "What happened in there?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Hey," He said. He stepped closer to her when she wouldn't look at him, and lifted her chin. He stared into her sad eyes. "Hey, you're not fine. What's wrong?" Rick had never seen her look so out of sorts.

Michonne sighed and wiped a shaky hand across her face. "I never thought I'd see anyone from before again, and then Craig walks down those stairs...it's a lot."

Rick nodded and squinted at her as if he was trying to see into her soul. "I can imagine." He thought about what he would do if he ever saw his brother or anyone else he used to know again. "Is he family?"

Michonne turned her face up to the sky. "He was a lot of things." She said quietly.

Rick was still looking intently at her. "You want to talk about it?"

Michonne shook her head. "I just want to go teach people to kill walkers."

Rick sighed. He didn't want to let her out of his sight just yet. "You want me to come with you? At least walk you over there?"

"No, it's fine." She said as she looked over her shoulder again.

"Are you sure?"

"Rick..."

"Okay. See you at home later?" He asked.

Michonne tried to smile at him, but the corners of her lips barely rose. "Yeah."

He felt a strong urge to pull her into a hug and tell her everything would be okay, but he hesitated a beat too long. She left him standing there and took off towards the Constable's house.

* * *

**IV.**

Rick stood on the sidewalk and watched Michonne until she disappeared around the corner. He wanted to go after her, but he knew she needed a few moments to herself. She'd been his rock for so long, it was bewildering to see her in such a state. He looked back over to the house Morgan and the newcomer shared. He was thinking about going back inside to grill the man when he heard a soft voice call his name. He turned and saw Jessie, with her two sons, walking towards him. He waved at them, but Ron ignored him and kept walking. Sam gave him a meek "Hi" before following his brother down the sidewalk.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said as she stopped and stood next to him, "Ron is still angry. He loved his father even after everything he put us through. And Sam goes with whatever mood his big brother is in."

Rick held up his hand. "No need to explain. I understand. How are you doing?" He asked

"I'm doing okay I think. I may be still in shock though. It's strange that I don't have to wake up in fear anymore."

"Well, there's still plenty to fear beyond those walls." Rick started walking and Jessie followed. "You really should think about taking one of Michonne's combat classes, or schedule a shooting session with Sasha. We all need to be prepared."

"I don't know about that, Rick. I was always more cheerleader than jock. I think my skills can be used elsewhere. Maybe I could cook for you, Carl, and little Judy. I'll bring my boys over and we can have a big dinner. We could invite Carol too. Sam seems to like her a lot."

Rick stopped walking and turned to her. "You do understand what's out there, right? Trust me, Reg and Pete dying is not the worst thing that can happen here." He didn't know what he was going to have to do to make everyone here see the seriousness of the situation.

Jessie was taken aback by the hardness of Rick's tone. "I get it. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." Rick said thinking about what Michonne said earlier about the community. He needed to take baby steps with them. "I didn't mean to be so aggressive. I just want to keep everyone safe."

"I know." She smiled shyly at him. "That's why I'm glad you're here." She put a hand on his forearm.

He looked down to where her hand slightly caressed the fabric of his coat. Her wedding band was still encased around her finger. The sun hit her hand at that moment, and he felt like the glint from the ring was going to blind him.

"...we might as well do it together." He looked up at her. He was lost in thought and missed what she was saying.

"Do what together?" He asked.

She laughed. "I must be boring you with my rambling. I said we all have to eat. We might as well do it together."

"Right. Sure. I guess that makes sense."

"Tomorrow then?" Jesse looked eager for him to say yes. He smiled at her.

"That could work. Just let me check with Michonne first."

"Oh? I mean, of course. She's invited too."

Rick raised an eyebrow. "I don't think she needs to be invited to her own home. I want to make sure she's okay with having a big group of people over."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. So you'll let me know?"

Rick nodded. "I'll let you know. I need to go check on the kids. I'll see you later."

"Hey before you go, what's your favorite meal?"

Rick forehead wrinkled as if the question confused him. "I haven't thought about a favorite anything in awhile. I'll pretty much eat anything other than dog."

It was Jessie's turn to look confused. "Dog?"

He laughed slightly to himself. "Never mind. You have a good evenin'." Rick took a right and walked down the street that lead home. He paused when he was halfway there and turned to look at the Constable house across from the pond. The light was shining through the downstairs window, but he didn't see Michonne. He took a step in that direction, but stopped quickly and spun back around. She'd talk when she was ready.

* * *

**A/N: ** Thanks all for all of the feedback. I really appreciate it. More to come!


	3. Chapter 3

**I.**

Michonne spun an old compact disc on the surface of the desk where she sat. The CD was labeled "Songs To Get Busy To." She figured it was one of Aiden's mixes. She didn't want to speak ill of the dead, but she shuddered to think what poor girl he was getting busy with. She sighed and hopped down from the desk. She walked over to the window to watch the mundaneness of the community. The turnout for the training was worse than before. The Alexandrians just didn't want to learn to defend themselves.

It was just as well. She wasn't in the mood to teach anyone. Flashes of memories inundated her head. The stitches were breaking and a waterfall of emotions was threatening to drown her. She thought she was finally healing. She was a part of a real family and she loved each one of them. They had a nice place to lay their heads at night. She had the kids...and Rick. She wasn't sure what she and Rick had, but she knew there was _something._ She resisted exploring what it was. Looking further into her feelings might ruin what they built. But it was different than what she had with the rest of the family. It was an inside affection that had a way of pushing everything else into the shadows as they stood together in the light. But the light was moving and the shadows were becoming more visible. She could see Mike and her sweet baby boy in those shadows. Her mom was there, and in the back, forgotten until today, there was Craig.

She couldn't shake the feeling that Craig shouldn't be there. He belonged in a time with a different Michonne. Did she have room in her heart for someone else? Even if it's someone who used to be so special to her? She started to feel like an awful friend again. He had as much right to be here as she did. He deserved a warm meal and a cool pillow every night too.

She moved away from the window to the middle of the room. She needed to do something to build a barrier to the flood of emotions and memories. She started moving slowly into her Tai Chi moves. She was rusty, but after a few minutes her body started to flow into each move effortlessly.

"Mother Christ! That's some good form you have going on." Michonne turned around at the sound of Abraham's voice. The large man walked through the door carrying a black duffel bag.

"What are you doing here, Abe?" She asked as she dropped out of the position she was in.

"Rosita said you were trying to do another training. I found a bunch of sweet knives in the armory the other day. Thought you could used to them." He looked around the empty room. "Either you are helluva quick teacher, or these crazy fucks still refuse to do a gotdamn thing to protect themselves."

"Definitely the latter." Michonne said.

"They better pray to God these Wolf assfucks don't come knocking at our gate." He placed the duffel bag on the desk. "We can all keep a couple knives. Least we be prepared. I know Rick has his machete and you have your sword. I'll leave a knife for Young Carl."

"Mmmm," Michonne said, "Sounds good." She walked back over to the window. The leaves in the pond mesmerized her. She zoned out until in her peripheral vision she saw Craig walking towards the Pantry with Morgan. She quickly moved to the side before she could be spotted by the pair.

Abraham walked over to the window and tried to see what had caused her to almost jump out of her skin. "What's going on with you?" He asked. He walked back over to the desk and sat down with his arms crossed over his chest.

Michonne sat next to him and sighed for what felt liked the 50th time that day. "You ever had the past go to war in your head?" She asked.

"Almost every gotdamn day since this shit storm started." He said

"What do you to keep it at bay? You seem to be doing okay since we got here."

"Food, hot water, and a bed help. But it's really Rosita." He said. Michonne didn't think she'd ever seen him smile so sweetly. "She won't let me feel sorry for myself anymore. God love her."

She smiled at that. "That's sweet. Who knew Sgt. Abraham could be such a softy."

"So far only you and Rosita, so it better not leave this room." He looked over a Michonne. "So is your past haunting you? Is that why you jumped away from that window like you seen a ghost?"

"Aren't ghosts everywhere these days?" She asked.

"Don't start with that philosophy mumbo jumbo with me. I'm just a career solider from Texas who used to love Jesus."

Michonne laughed. "Okay, no philosophy." She paused for a moment. "I just need to get out of my own head sometimes."

"Is that why you were doing your Tai Chi moves?"

Michonne was somewhat impressed he knew what she was doing. "What you know about Tai Chi, Abe? I thought you didn't like mumbo jumbo."

"One of the cadets I went through basic training with used to do it all the time. He said it kept him calm. Didn't help much from where I stood. He was still crazier than a mouse in a shit parade."

Michonne laughed. She was glad Abraham came by.

"You know what else stops the bad memories?" He asked

"What's that?"

"Drinking."

"Is that really the best idea?"

"Then tell me a better one" He said

"It doesn't matter whether it's a good or bad idea anyway. The well's a little dry at the moment. I barely had enough to spike the punch at Tara's party." She said.

Abraham put one of his meaty arms around Michonne. "You just have to know where to look, my friend. I have two 6-packs stashed in Father Dingbat's church. Why don't we go chase those demons away?"

The alternative was to stay here and be alone with her thoughts. Maybe a few drinks were the barrier she needed. She shrugged her shoulders. "Let's roll."

* * *

**II. **

Michonne laid in bed her hands covering her face. Her body felt warm and clammy. She wished she could get up a take a cold shower to get some relief, but her body wouldn't cooperate. Her alarm clock had been yelling at her for the last five minutes, and she didn't have the strength to roll over and hit the snooze button. Three beers. That's all she had. Her hangover shouldn't be this bad. Or maybe it was four. She'd lost count sitting there in Gabriel's church with Abe; listening to him tell stories. Now she was paying for it.

She heard her door open slightly followed by two soft knocks. "Michonne?" Rick said.

"Hmmmm?"

She heard his soft footsteps as he walked over to her bed and turned off the alarm clock. Her hands were gently removed from her face. Exhausted eyes opened slowing. The sunlight streaming in from the half-opened blinds felt like syringes pricking their way into her brain. Michonne just wanted to curl up into a dark corner until her body stopped betraying her. But she knew Rick wasn't going to leave until he knew she was okay so she opened her eyes fully.

Her breath caught in her throat. Rick was leaning over her shirtless; wearing only a pair of dark gray sweat pants. She couldn't stop her eyes from traveling over the light covering of salt and pepper hair on his chest down to his toned stomach. Dark eyes lifted up again to meet his concerned blue ones. Any other time she would have adverted her eyes away in embarrassment at being caught checking him out, but he held so much tenderness in his eyes, she couldn't look away.

"You still hung-over?" He asked.

She regained her composure and sat up a little. "I'm not sure what I am right now. I think I've become a lightweight. A few beers took me out." Rick didn't respond to her. He just placed on of his hands on her forehead like her mother used to do when checking for a fever. He went into the adjoining bathroom. She heard the faucet start to run, and cabinets opening and closing. He walked back into the bedroom with a small basin of water and a fresh towel. He placed the basin on the night stand and soaked the towel into the water. He brought the wet cloth to her face; gently wiping away the sweat.

"Mmmmm. This feels good." She said. Michonne relaxed equally enjoying the cool, wet cloth and his soothing touch. He moved down to her neck. Her shoulders. Finally, her chest; just above her breasts. She became acutely aware that she was wearing a very thin tank top. Much to her relief and chagrin he didn't try to go any further down.

"I'll be right back." He said. He returned a few minutes later with a bottle of Advil, a glass of water, and a plate of crackers. He pulled a chair close to her bed and sat down. "Here take these." He shook out two pills from the bottle and watched closely as she swallowed and then downed the tall glass of water. "Eat a couple of these crackers. You stomach is empty."

She gave him a small smile. "Thank you for holding my hair back as I threw up everything I'd ever eaten in life last night."

"You've saved my life about a hundred times over. It's the very least I could do." He smiled at her. "We didn't get a chance to talk last night. I came back up to check on you a couple of hours after I put you to bed. I was going to make you some food if you were able to get anything down, but you threw a pillow at me. Thought it was best to let you just sleep it off after that."

Michonne looked over at the door where the offending pillow still laid. "Sorry about that."

Rick laughed and wet the towel again and placed it over her eyes. "Don't worry about it." They both became silent. She could sense Rick was staring at her. She felt his rough, callused hands take hold of hers. He made tiny circles around each knuckle. "What's going on Michonne?"

"I'm not sure myself."

"Who is he?"

"Someone I used to love." Again silence.

"I thought he may have been special to you." He finally said.

Michonne removed the cloth and looked closely at Rick. He was staring down at her bedspread. "That seems to worry you."

Rick looked back at her and shook his head. "I'm not worried. It's just...I guess I'm just protective. I want to make sure he's not someone that's going to hurt you. Do you trust him?"

"I don't know. None of us are the same people we were before the world changed."

"But you want to, right?"

"I don't know what I want. I don't know what to feel about him right now." She sat up completely. "I hadn't seen him in awhile before everything happened. I was busy with life. My career. Mike and...," She paused and looked away from Rick's probing eyes. "Just everything."

"I imagine seeing him today was a big shock."

"Yeah. It's a lot to process."

"So you try to help that process by getting drunk with Abraham?" Rick let go of her hand and sat back in the chair while giving her an incredulous look.

Michonne took a cracker from the plate and started to chew slowly. Her empty stomach was starting to growl at her. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Just so you know. Drinking with Abraham is never a good idea. The man can out drink a whale."

Michonne laughed then clutched her head. "Ugh. Yeah I'm feeling the pain of my bad decision making now."

Rick stood from the chair. "Scoot down." He told her.

"What?"

Rick smiled at her confused face. "I said scoot down." He motioned for Michonne to move down the bed. She followed his instructions. Once there was enough room between her body and the headboard, Rick climbed into the bed behind her. "Now lean back." He said.

He had one leg on the floor and the other on the bed. Michonne tentatively leaned back and sat between his legs, against his chest. He tenderly undid part of her hair that was still braided before bringing his hands to her temples. His fingers started to massage circular motions. It felt so good; she leaned further into his chest. His warm body smelled like soap with a hint of Judith's baby powder. "How does that feel?" He asked.

She could feel his voice rumble through his body. "Mmmm. Like heaven." She said.

"How long were you two together?"

"From middle school to my sophomore year in college."

"So this was a first love."

"Yeah. Supposedly first love is the sweetest."

"Lori was my first love."

Michonne turned slightly so she could look at him. "Really?"

"Really."

"You didn't love anyone before her?"

"I had girlfriends, but I was never in love until Lori. We met at nineteen and married by twenty. We had ten really happy years together. Then it all fell apart. I never quite understood why."

"People change a lot in ten years. That's what happened when with me and Craig. When you're in high school you think you have the world figured out."

"And then you get out in the real world and you realize you don't know shit." Rick finished for her

"Pretty much. I think Craig would have married me at nineteen if I'd agreed to it. I can't imagine how different my life would have been. How different how I would be."

"You still would have been an amazing person no matter what." He said as he moved his hands to her forehead.

"You're just saying that so I won't throw another pillow at you."

Rick laughed. "Yeah you almost took my head off."

"When did you realize things weren't working for you and Lori anymore?" She asked

"I'm not sure, but I do remember that last time I felt good in our marriage. It was Valentine's Day and Lori was going through an obsession with bird watching. I was usually awful at picking gifts, but I saw this ring in the jewelry store shaped like an owl. She loved it. She almost cried when she opened the box. She felt I really understood her..." Rick trailed off and leaned his head against the headboard. He moved his hands moved down from her head to her shoulders, working out the knots. "The house, the marriage, the kid, and the secure job were the dream. I had it, and was still unhappy. Only Carl brought me joy."

"Well, that's no surprise. He's the best." She said.

"Yes he is."

Rick's hand moved down to Michonne's arms, rubbing up and down from her shoulders to her forearms. Michonne couldn't remember the last time someone took care of her like this. She couldn't remember the last time she let someone take care of her like this. She rested her head in the crook of his neck. His hands made their way to her stomach continuing his circular motions there. The intimacy of the moment wasn't lost on Michonne. Any other time she would have stopped it. She didn't want to complicate their relationship. But all the events of the day before had brought up the part of her that she usually kept hidden and mute. That part of her that was savoring being this close to Rick. She turned her head to look up at him. He was staring at her, but she couldn't read what was in his eyes. She felt his heart race faster, matching the beat of her own.

"Rick..." She started not sure what she wanted to say.

He brought his thumb to her face and started tracing the outline of her lips. "Yeah?" His voice held a slight tremble.

"I..."

"Dad," They heard Carl call from downstairs, "Judith wants her breakfast."

Both let out a long exhale. Tension still hung thick in the air, but the spell was broken.

"I guess Dad duty calls." Rick slid out of the bed and walked to the door. He turned before leaving. "You coming down?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to take a quick shower."

He smiled at her. "Okay."

Michonne fell back on the bed and pulled a pillow over her face wondering if things were easier when she was wandering around all alone only having to worry about killing walkers.

* * *

**A/N:** Your feedback has been so lovely. I appreciated you all for reading and commenting. I hope you continue to enjoy.


	4. Chapter 4

**I.**

Michonne trotted down the stairs while pulling her hair into a ponytail. The hot water from the shower had dissolved some of the tension that had taken root in her head. The presence of Craig back in her life had put her through a loophole. She needed to find a way to untangle herself. The only way she knew how was to face it head on. It would do her no good to hide from him.

The kitchen was empty, but she saw the remnants of breakfast in the sink. Three bowls of oatmeal. She was about to make it a fourth when she saw her favorite mug and two packets of sugar sitting next to a fresh pot of coffee. She smiled at Rick knowing how she took her morning drink. She poured herself a cup and walked to the patio door where she could see him and Judith. He was walking around the backyard while bouncing the smiling baby on his hip. She watched as Daddy and babygirl played gleefully together, lost in their own world. He was a good dad.

Mike was a good dad too. Until he wasn't.

She pushed those thoughts back to the shadows of her mind and continued to watch play time in the backyard. Seeing him like this made it hard to dismiss whatever feelings she had bubbling at the surface of her heart. If Carl hadn't interrupted them earlier she wasn't sure what would have happened or what hidden truths would have been revealed. She could fall for him so easily, but it wouldn't be smart. They couldn't protect the kids and the rest of the family if they were wrapped up in each other. People died because of distractions.

_And what a distraction he would be._ Michonne thought as she eyed him in his daily uniform of black jeans, plaid shirt, and cowboy boots. Images of what was under those clothes set up camp in her brain. A heat wave ran from her head down to her toes when she remembered how good it felt to be pressed against his bare chest. How good his hands felt on her. The hot coffee no longer seemed like a good idea. She needed a cold drink. The cool blast from the refrigerator helped calm her loins as she looked for a bottle of water.

"Hey you're up." Michonne looked over the refrigerator door as Carl walked into the kitchen. "Dad told me not to bother you."

"He didn't have to do that."You're never a bother, Carl." Michonne said.

"You know how clueless he can be sometimes." Carl joked.

Michonne laughed and nodded her head. "That I do." She looked at him closely. He was practically bouncing on his heels with a big grin on his face. "You look like you're keeping a secret. Spill it."

"I have a surprise for you."

She smiled at the excitement in his voice. "Okaaay. What is it?" She said as she took her water and coffee and sat at the kitchen table.

"So okay remember how before you wished you had soy milk?" She nodded and he went on. "The Pantry only has can milk and I know you hate that stuff. But Olivia had some almonds. Newsflash, you can make milk out of almonds."

"Mmmhmm, I knew that."

Carl threw his hands in the air and laughed. "Of course you know that. I thought I was going to tell you something new. Anyway, Olivia showed me how to make the milk. Carol helped me find a blender and," He opened the fridge and took out a plastic pitcher she didn't notice before filled with an off-white liquid, "Tah-da, fresh almond milk. Now you can really enjoy your cereal."

Michonne hopped out of her chair and pulled him into a hug. "You are the best, kid. Just the best."

She was always amazed at how thoughtful he could be. He had been through so much in his young life, yet he hadn't let the hardness of the world overtake him. She couldn't love him more if he was her own child.

"Can me and Judith get in on this hugging?" They both looked up as Rick entered the kitchen with the smiling baby still on his hip.

"Judith always gets hugs because she's the cutest thing ever," Michonne said as she wiggled the baby's foot, "But you didn't make me homemade almond milk. I think that denies you any hug privileges." Michonne said and looked over to Carl with a wink. "What do you think?"

Carl looked up at the ceiling as he pretended to think hard about the situation. "Hmmm I don't think so. This is an almond milk only club, and Dad's a hard core cow milk drinker."

"Wow, that hurts. Denied by my first born and my...Michonne. At least I still have my little girl." He said as he gave Judith a kiss on the head before sitting her in the highchair. He looked at his watch. "Carl, aren't you late for school?"

"Crap," Carl said. "You're right." He grabbed his backpack, but paused before heading to the door. "Why do I have to go anyway? I can read, write, add, and subtract. That should enough in this world."

"Because," Michonne said as she ruffled his hair, "When it's revealed in the third act of this movie we're in that Eugene really _can _cure this thing I expect you to graduate college, get a great job, and make lots of money so you can take care of me in my old age."

Carl laughed and playfully rolled his eyes. "All right, all right." He kissed his sister on the cheek and ran to the door.

"Hey, think fast." Carl turned around just in time to catch the apple Michonne threw to him. "Brain food in case you get hungry."

"Thanks, Michonne." He said then ran out the door.

Rick smiled as he watched their exchange."You're always so good with him."

"It's easy to be. He's a good kid. But he has a great Dad so that's no surprise."

Rick gave her a dismissive wave of his hands. "I don't know if I can take much of the credit. I'm not always the best role model." He shook his head. "A lot is owed to Lori. And you of course. I couldn't have done most of this without you."

"Yes, you could have Rick. You're a good man. You would have found a way." Leaning against the kitchen island she watched as he started washing the breakfast dishes.

"Well I'm glad _we_ found a way." He said to her over his shoulder.

"Me too." She said.

Rick wiped his hands on a dish towel and met Michonne at the island. "You know I like when you wear your hair back like this." He gently pulled on her ponytail.

Michonne internally chided herself for giggling like a school girl, but it poured out of her before she could halt it. "That's a bit of a non-sequitur." She said.

Rick looked down at his feet with a grin. "I know. Just standing here in front of you like this made me think about how much I like seeing all of your face." He looked back up at her. Their gazes locked and held until Judith's baby talk broke them out of their spell. Michonne wished she knew how to break them out of it once and for all. She couldn't keep getting lost in him.

Rick walked over to the refrigerator and started pouring apple juice in Judith's bottle. "You seem to be doing better than earlier."

"I am." Michonne said grateful he changed the subject.

"How are you going to handle things with Craig?"

"I'm going to go see him today. It doesn't seem right to avoid him. He was out on his own in the woods. I'm sure he needs a friend. Maybe it's best if we get to know each other all over again."

"And if he wants to fall in love all over again?" He leaned on the closed fridge door. "Could make things awkward."

"I'll cross that road when I come to it."

"But are you open to it? Do you ever want to love someone like that again?"

"What's with the twenty questions, Rick?"

Rick looked away from Michonne. He stared out the patio door. He wasn't looking at anything that was outdoors. His thoughts had transported him elsewhere. After a long silence his voice flowed out of him in a murmur. "Like I said earlier, I'm just protective of you, is all."

"I appreciate that Rick, but you know that I can take care of myself."

"I know that better than anyone, but..."

"But what?"

Rick quickly closed the space between them until he was standing right in front of her. One hand hovered on her waist. His touch was barely a whisper. "I can't help caring about you. I care if someone is going to cause you any pain."

"I'm okay Rick, really." Michonne said while avoiding his piercing gaze. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't fall under the magic again.

"I don't think you are."

Michonne glanced at him quickly before looking away again. "How do you know?"

"I just do." Rick placed his hands on either side of Michonne on the island making himself even closer to her. She couldn't help but to look at him now.

"Trust me, Rick. That's all I ask."

"I trust you. I trust you with everything that's in me. But I don't want someone I...I don't trust what I don't know."

"Craig is just one man. What can he do to me?"

"I don't want to find out." Rick moved forward until his forehead was touching Michonne's. "We've lost so much. If anything ever happened to You, Carl, or Judith...I couldn't take it."

Michonne didn't know what to think about him putting her in the same category as his children. She knew he cared, but she never allowed herself to ponder how deeply. The undertones of the conversation were getting to be too much for her. Her hands pushed gently on his chest to get some space between them. He moved without resistance. "I'm not yours, Rick. You can't control who I chose to have in my life."

Rick shook his head as if he was trying to clear his brain. "I didn't mean to come on so strong, Michonne. I just want you to know how much..," He paused and ran his hand over his face, "Lori used to say I never talked enough. That I didn't know how to express my feelings. She was right. It ain't always so easy for me. I keep making the same mistakes and I don't want..."

"Knock, knock. Rick, Michonne. You guys here?" Carol walked through the front door carrying a small stack of plates.

"Gotdammit. Can we ever get some privacy?" Rick muttered to himself. He rubbed his face again as if he was developing a nervous tick. "What do you want, Carol?"

"Thought you might need some extra plates for tonight." Carol looked from Michonne to Rick taking in the scene before her. "Did I interrupt something?"

Michonne looked at Carol in confusion. "What's tonight?"

"You haven't told her yet? Jessie told me it was a done deal." Carol said to Rick.

Rick moved to the kitchen chair next to Judith. He fell into the seat feeling more weary than usual. The morning wasn't going his way at all. "Shit, I forgot. Jessie wants to bring her boys over and cook dinner. I told her I needed to check with you first. Make sure you're okay with having a big group of people over."

"Oh." Michonne said.

"I wasn't trying to keep anything from you." Rick added quickly. "I really did forget." He gave a quick glance to Carol before saying more softly to Michonne. "With you feeling out of sorts yesterday and this morning I guess it just slipped my mind."

"No, it's okay." Michonne said. "You sure this is the best idea? Ron won't talk to Carl anymore because he's still upset about Pete. Could make for an awkward dinner."

"She probably just needs a distraction to not focus on all that happened. Maybe it'll help make things right again." Rick said.

"Distractions can be disastrous," Michonne said, "But if that's what you guys want to do, go for it."

"Sooo," Carol chimed in. "I guess we're good then?"

Michonne turned to her. "Yeah, we're good. I think I'll invite Craig. It'll be good for him to meet some more people. If that's okay with everyone."

"Who's Craig?" Carol asked.

"A stranger." Rick said

"An old friend." Michonne countered. She looked at Rick. "So I'll tell him to come. Are you okay with that?"

"It doesn't seem I have much choice in the matter." Rick said avoiding her gaze while feeding Judith her bottle.

"It's settled then." Michonne said ignoring the obvious irritation in Rick's voice. "I have some things I need to take care of. See you tonight." She pulled on her sweater and walked out the door.

The soft thud of the door closing caused Rick to finally look up. He sighed and started rubbing his forehead, between his eyebrows, as he felt the first inkling of a headache starting to invade.

Carol set the plates on the kitchen counter. She poured herself a cup of coffee and took a seat across from Rick. "What have you done now, Sunshine?"

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews. They help keep me motivated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I.**

Michonne could feel the sun beating down on the back of neck as she knelled on the grass. A quick look at her watch told her it was a little past noon. The chill in the air was harsher than the day before, but the sun produced a blanket of warmth. Sunny autumn days used to be her favorite part of the year. The world was so crisp and clean that inhaling the cool air would invigorate her. It wasn't having its usual effect today. The roller coaster her emotions had her on made enjoyment a fleeting feeling lately. Removing her brain and existing on a plane of nothingness for awhile seemed ideal. She was starting to believe the process of thinking was overrated.

Rick wasn't helping things either.

It had been close to a year since they first locked eyes across the fence of the Prison. Their relationship held a deep intimacy, but Michonne could count on one hand the number of times they've actually touched. Yet that morning they were two steps away from ripping each other's clothes off. He didn't start to come on so strong until the reemergence of Craig. If he felt threatened by another man being in her life then Michonne wasn't interested in being a pawn in his alpha male struggle. Especially since she still didn't know what was going on between him and Jessie. Jealously had never been a part of her wheelhouse, but she wasn't going to let Rick keep her at his side while he was sniffing around for other options.

And if he did want to explore their relationship in new ways then she just didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to prevent the breaking of both of their hearts.

Michonne took out four rocks from the pocket of her sweater, and added them to the pile directly under the tree. Two were gray, one was tan, and the last had a hint of aqua blue. The stones reminded her of childhood. Summer days playing hopscotch with boxes drawn by sharp edged rocks when chalk couldn't be found. She smiled at getting to teach Judith the game one day. Things weren't all bad.

"Hey, I thought that was you out here." Michonne turned to see Maggie and Glenn walking down the steps of their back porch. Maggie smiled while giving her friend a hug. Glenn waved to her with his good arm. His left side was still in a sling.

"I think Noah's is finally finished," Michonne said.

"I think so too," Maggie said. "I'm glad we put his and Beth's right under the tree. I remember hearing him say when we were on the road after...after Grady, how much he missed the magnolia's near his home."

Michonne and Maggie linked arms while leaning on each other. They took in the view of the rest of the rock memorials. Small mounds of rocks were scattered around the backyard in remembrance of Hershel, Bob, Beth, Tyreese, and Noah.

"I'm hoping one day I can find some petunia seeds to plant around the rocks. Beth always loved the purple ones. Daddy used to bring us bunches of them every year on our birthdays," Maggie wiped away the wetness forming at the corner her eyes, "He said he wanted to set an example of how a man should treat his girls."

"Hershel was a good man," Michonne said. She squeezed Maggie's hand a little tighter.

"He was," Maggie said, "It sounds so awful to say, but I glad Daddy died before Beth. It would have broke him to loose his little girl like that. Some days it makes my heart a little less heavy thinking they could be somewhere happy together"

"After all of this you still have your faith?" Michonne asked. She had grown up in the church, but life had taken her on a different path with her beliefs. Agnostic was what she considered herself to be before the world changed. She hadn't been plagued with thoughts of the afterlife, but she remembered feeling slightly more at peace at the thought of Andre and Judith being together before they found the little girl again. Her baby boy wasn't with Judith, but maybe Mike and her mom were somewhere holding him close.

"I didn't. For a long time I didn't," Maggie said, "I remember when I told Gabriel his church was just four walls and a roof. I meant that. I still do, but when I prayed with him and Sasha that night I felt something. It could have been God or it could have just been my imagination. It's a comfort though. I like to think that we may be able to see the people we love again. In this world I'll take whatever I can to get through the day."

"I can't argue with that," Michonne said. She walked over to Hershel's rock memorial. "Do you think I can absorb some of your father's wisdom if I stand here long enough? A word or two would do me some good right now."

"I've tried that," Glenn said from where he sat on the back porch steps, "I thought I heard his voice once. He told me to be smart and we all have jobs to do. Then there was something about Spaghetti Wednesday."

Maggie laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like Daddy."

Michonne smiled and took a good look at Glenn. She saw him wince in pain every time he moved his left arm.

"How are you doing, Glenn?" She asked.

"I won't be pitching for the Braves anytime soon, but I'll be all right. I'm healing."

Maggie looked back at her husband with love and pride. "Yeah, he's as tough as they come. A little bullet's not going to bring him down," Her eyes hardened as she turned back to Michonne. "I wish that piece of shit Nicholas wasn't all right."

"Maggie..." Glenn said.

"I know. It's just eats me up that he's still living relatively well after trying to kill you and causing Noah's death."

"I hate it too, but we can't be judge, jury, and executioner. Not if we want to continue to be civilized people." Glenn said.

"How is he anyway?" Maggie asked Michonne.

"It was Rick's turn to check on him yesterday. Last time I saw him he was quiet as usual. Still limping on his bad leg. Carol, or one of the other ladies on meal duty, brings him food three times a day. He has all the comforts he needs. He just can't leave the house."

"Deanna said she was going to make a decision about him soon, but," Maggie shook her head," She's still grieving pretty hard."

"Rick told me you were taking on most of the work lately."

"I have been. We all experienced so much lost out there, but we kept going because we had to or we'd die. They even have the privilege to grieve here," She looked back over the memorials again, "Must be nice."

"We all have jobs to do," Glenn said quietly.

"Yes we do," Maggie smiled sadly, "Speaking of which I have to head over there now."

"I'll walk with you." Michonne said.

Maggie went over to where Glenn sat. "C'mere," She said and leaned down to give him three quick kisses on the lips then one long kiss. "I'll see you later."

"I love you," Glenn said briefly clutching his wife's hand.

The sun had brought many people out their homes despite the cold. Walking through the streets Michonne noticed the community members were a lot friendlier to her and Maggie than they were to Rick. The men nodded and moved to the side to allow them to pass. The women smiled and waved.

"So," Maggie said, "I talked to the new recruit again this morning to make sure he was doing okay..."

"And he told you we knew each other." Michonne finished.

"Yes he did," Maggie stopped walking and grabbed Michonne's arm, "Why didn't you tell me? How are you not freaking out? This is pretty huge."

"I've been freaking out since I laid eyes on him again," Michonne let out a frustrated sigh, "Why do you think I needed some of Hershel's wisdom?"

"So was he a friend or...?"

"He was my high school sweetheart. I'd known him my whole life."

"Wow," said Maggie, "I don't know what I would do if I saw one of my boyfriend's from high school again." The women started walking again passing yet more polite Alexandrians.

"One of the many, huh?" Michonne said.

Maggie shrugged. "Guys liked trying to turn the religious man's daughter to the dark side. It's good Craig's here though. We really need another doctor. I'm thankful the bullet went right through Glenn, and Rosita was able to clean the wound. With danger lurking around the corner with the Wolf people who knows what kind of medical treatment we'll need. Even if he's just a Dermatologist."

"His mom wanted him to be a surgeon, but he said after the first semester of Med school he knew he had the hands of a Dermatologist instead." Michonne smiled at the memory.

"Does Rick know?" Maggie asked.

"He was there when I first saw him again."

"How did he take it?"

Michonne shrugged. "How he usually take things."

"So he was a bit of an asshole, but you know he does it because he cares." Maggie said.

Michonne smirked at Maggie knowing Rick so well. "He was actually pretty understanding at first. His trust issues surfaced this morning though."

"Mmmm not surprising," Maggie said. They had reached Deanna's. Maggie stopped to turn to Michonne. "You know how Rick is about you."

Michonne raised an eyebrow. "And how is he?"

"Don't play dumb. Everyone knows you and Rick have a relationship the rest of us are not part of. Sometimes you guys act more married than me and Glenn. He's not going to like someone else competing for your attention."

Michonne sighed. "Well, he needs to get over it."

"Don't count on that happening."

"I'm on my way to invite Craig over for dinner tonight. Jessie wants to cook for Rick, and it turned into this big thing." _Going outside the walls to take on a herd of walkers sounds more appealing than this dinner._ Michonne thought to herself

"Sounds like a clusterfuck in the making." Maggie said.

"Pretty much."

"So are him and Jessie..."

"I'm not really sure what's going on there." And she really didn't know what was going on between herself and Rick after their intense morning, but she didn't want to delve into that conversation with Maggie right now.

"Jessie's nice. Like most of the people here are nice. I feel for anyone who went through what she did with Pete. But...I don't know. She kinda reminds me of Lori in a weird way."

"Really?" Michonne asked.

"Yeah, not in looks or anything, but she has that homemaker almost helpless quality Lori had. The way Rick fixated on her for awhile...I think he saw that in her too."

Michonne didn't know what to do with that information. If he needed someone in his life to be helpless then she definitely wasn't the woman for him.

"I think you and Glenn should come to dinner tonight too. I may need allies." Michonne said to change the subject.

"Sorry we are committed to a triple date. There will be old, frozen pizza rolls and Scrabble with Abraham, Rosita, Tara, and Eugene."

"Tara and Eugene on a date?"

"Friend date. In fact he's on a mission to find Tara a good woman."

Michonne couldn't help but smile. "Good ol' Eugene."

The front door opened and Spencer stuck his head out. "Great, Maggie you're here. Mom's been looking for you. Hey Michonne."

"Hey, Spencer," Michonne said. "Tell your mom to let me know if she needs anything."

"Will do."

Maggie looked at Michonne. "Duty calls, but I will need a full recap of this dinner tomorrow. Should be interesting." She gestured with her head to a spot behind Michonne. "I think that tall, handsome man is coming to see you."

Maggie disappeared into Deanna's house as Michonne turned around to see Craig walking towards her.

* * *

**II.**

Craig walked towards Michonne with a big smile on his face. She noticed how his brown skin glistened in the sunlight. There was a time when she couldn't get enough of running her hands all over him. Couldn't stop herself from kissing his full lips all the time.

"Hey I was just coming to see you." She said.

"And I was looking for you. Look at us in sync just like the old days."

Michonne looked down with a smile. She looked back up at him. His height was always was always so attractive to her. It made her feel safe. That was before she knew how capable she was of protecting herself.

"Let's go walk by the pond," She said. More multicolored leaves had fallen into the water overnight. It was a beautiful sight. You could almost forget what was beyond those walls.

"Remember the last time we were near a body of water." Craig asked. She laughed when he wriggled his eyebrows at her.

"Oh, God. Skinny dipping that first Thanksgiving home from college. I think it was colder that night than it is today."

"I remember the cold did your body good." He said while looking her up and down.

"Stop picturing my naked body."

"I was picturing your eighteen year old body, not the current body."

"Well stop that too."

"Okay, okay." He put his hands up in surrender.

Michonne looked out at the pond seeing memories from the past instead of the toy boats the kids were racing. "I forgot how wild I used to be."

"Fighting for survival has a way of making you forget everything else."

"Mmmm. Sometimes." She picked up a handful of pebbles lying at the edge of the water. She handed half over to Craig with a smile. They immediately started to skip the stones on the water. Competing to see who could land the rocks the farthest like they used to do when they were kids.

"So why were you coming to see me, Turtle Dove?" He asked.

Michonne playfully swatted his chest. "Please do not call me that name in front of anyone."

"Okay, Chonney. Is that better?"

She held up her index finger and thumb inches apart. "A little."

He beamed down at her, drinking in her face. "I missed you so much. I was on my own in those woods for I don't know how long. It's like God answered my prayers when I saw your face yesterday."

"If there is a God." Michonne said.

"You still a heathen, Chonney? What would Sister Bernice say?"

"Sister Bernice," Michonne grimaced at the mention of her old Sunday School teacher's name, "I swear she had a vendetta against me."

"Well you did kill her cat."

Michonne swatted at him a little less playfully this time. "That was an accident! Lil Jesus ran out into the path of my bike. And he didn't die. He was just a little banged up. He was all right in a couple of weeks."

"See that's why she didn't like you. You know that cat's name was Jonah not Lil Jesus."

"Oh, shit that's right huh. Lil Jesus is a better name though. What did Jonah do but get swallowed by a whale?"

"Now you're sounding like Michelle Robinson with all of those questions she used to ask."

Michonne threw her head back and groaned. "She used to get on my last nerve. Every week she had all of those questions making us stay in that little hot classroom longer than we had to"

"That day you just snapped and said, 'Girl if you don't shut your ass up,' I thought were going to have Sister Bernice's homegoing service soon with the way her eyes popped out of her head. She probably prayed for your little demon soul every night after that."

"Mom and Dad were so mad at me I had to say a hundred Hail Mary's on the way home. I told them that was a Catholic thing and we were Baptist. Dad stopped the car in the middle of the street and said I needed all the forgiving I could get from Jesus, Mary, and Joseph."

Both of them fell into an uproarious laughter. Tears blurred Michonne's vision from laughing so hard. It felt cathartic to let go like that. She avoided talking about her past for such a long time she didn't realize how good it would feel to remember the good times in the face of all of the bad.

"There's a dinner at my house tonight. You should come." Michonne said once their laughter calmed.

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. She just shook her head at him and smiled. "There's no place I would rather be, Chonney."

"I'm glad you're here." She told him sincerely.

"And I'm glad you're here." He said. He pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around him basking in the familiarity of it all. All the worries she had the day before fell away at that moment. It didn't feel like he was out of place in her life right then. A faint smile played at her lips as she contemplated getting used to this again. From the corner of her eye she caught a flash of a brown Constable's jacket disappear around a corner. Her heart sank as guilt set in at possibly being seen by Rick in Craig's arms.

* * *

**III.**

Michonne walked at a fast pace until she reached the front gate of the Community. She told herself she was doing a quick patrol, but she was really trying to spot Rick. Guilt seeped in deeper the longer she couldn't find him. She chided herself because she didn't have anything to feel guilty about, but she didn't have time for logical thinking at the moment.

Tobin was manning the gate.

"Hey have you seen Rick?" She asked him.

"No. He hasn't gone outside the gate since I've been here, unfortunately." Was the man's reply.

Michonne didn't have time to deal with Tobin's thinly veiled hate. She spun around to head towards Daryl's place. She knew he'd returned that morning. Maybe Rick went to check in with him.

"Oh. Hi, Michonne." She heard someone call out. She spotted Jessie walking towards her carrying a brown paper bag.

"I just did a little shopping for tonight," She held up her bag. "Thanks so much for agreeing to the dinner."

"No problem." Michonne wasn't in the mood for a long conversation

"Like I told Rick we all have to eat, might as well do it together."

"Mmm, well I'll see you tonight." Michonne turned to head in the opposite direction.

"Michonne, wait." Jessie paused, grinned and shook her head. "I feel a little embarrassed asking you this, but Rick is so closed off sometimes. I tried to get him to tell me his favorite meal and couldn't get a straight answer. I decided on lasagna. Do you think he'll like it?"

"I'm sure Rick will eat anything you put in front of him." She turned to try to get away again, but Jessie kept talking.

"I was just hoping you could give me a little more insight on him. You two seem...close. Your group said so many good things about him at the meeting a few weeks ago, and I really want to get to know that man." She walked closer to Michonne to keep anyone from overhearing her. "He told me he wouldn't save anyone else the way he saved me. I never had any man look out for me like that. I just want to make this dinner perfect."

"Dinner will be fine." Michonne said as she finally made her escape. She was shocked he uttered those words to Jessie. The Rick Grimes she knew made it his life's mission, since the start of the new world, to save people. That's why their family would follow him to the ends of the earth. At least she thought she knew him. Jessie had obvious hearts in her eyes for Rick, and if what Maggie said was true then maybe he felt the same way. Michonne didn't want to try to compete with the memory of a dead wife. She could never win that battle.

* * *

**IV.**

Rick couldn't remember last time he cried. He thought maybe it was the day Lori died, but he couldn't be sure. He had no memories of crying for any of the other family they lost. He didn't know if he blocked out the memories or the tears just didn't come. All he knew for sure was his heart got a little heavier with each death. But right at that moment as he laid on his bed, with Judith sound asleep on his chest, he felt tears on the verge of erupting down his face.

He planned to take a nap before the night's dinner, but he'd been staring into a void for the past forty-five minutes. The ceiling acted as a canvas playing different images over and over like tortuous memories conjured up from his soul. The hospital where he awakened in chaos almost two years before flashed into the camp outside of Atlanta being overrun with walkers. Before he could stick a knife in the head of one of the undead the images flashed to him running helplessly with his son held close while trying to make it to Hershel's farm. He put his Sheriff's uniform away for the last time as the image bleed into him stabbing Shane in the heart with Lori looking on with disgust and anger. Hershel was walking out on crutches with one leg for the first time while Lori tried to catch his eye with a smile. He tried to smile back, but he knew it didn't look genuine. There was still too much anger and sorrow in his face the last time they saw each other. He collapsed on the ground in grief as he heard his baby cry for the first time before walkers invaded the prison and their home came crumbling down by the hands of the Governor.

The images looped over and over again until the narrative started to change. She was there by his side now. She was helping him find refuge after escaping from the hospital. The sharp katana decapitated two walkers simultaneously before anyone in the Atlanta camp could get bitten. Her hand guided Carl away from the path of Otis' bullet. They sat together near Hershel's barn as he listened to her warn him about Shane. Lori embraced him as they reassured each other they'll always be friends but they were no good as a married couple anymore. Then she was standing on the grounds of the prison watching him plant seeds. She smiled and strolled up to him to wipe the sweat from his forehead before he kissed her; savoring the feel of his lips on hers.

She had always been with him in his soul. It was inevitable that their paths would cross.

She was supposed to be his, but he saw them. He saw how she laughed like he'd never seen before. He saw how his arms wrapped around her body like they belonged there. He saw her smile blissfully.

When she stood in his bedroom weeks ago confessing she would always be with him he knew. He wasn't ready to admit it yet, but he knew.

But now it was too late. He was losing her.

He was losing Michonne before she could ever know how much he loved her.

* * *

**A/N: The next installment will finally be the dinner. Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** This latest chapter took longer than I anticipated to complete. A severe bout of writer's block curbed any updates. Also, I know I promised this would be the dinner scene, but the muse wants what it wants. So this is more of a dinner adjacent scene. I hope you enjoy, and as always you feedback gives me life. Thanks so much.

FYI: "God Only Knows" (the Joss Stone version) is what broke me out of my writer's block. It had me up at midnight typing into my phone.

* * *

**I.**

The fire blazed just beyond the gate. Black smoked covered most of the sky making it hard to breathe. Chaos was all around Rick as he ran through the streets of Alexandria hacking the heads of every walker in his path.

"Carl," he yelled. Wetness flowed from his eyes. He didn't have time to wonder if it was a product of the smoke or the fact he couldn't find neither his son nor Michonne.

His trigger finger itched with the need for him to pull out his Colt to make an easier time of clearing out the undead. Fear of attracting more of the creatures that limped through the streets kept the firearm at his side. With so many residents running panicked through the streets, he also didn't want a bullet to accidentally hit one of the innocent.

"Everyone. Get. In. The. House," He yelled through gritted teeth. None of the long term residents were ready for an attack of this magnitude. His machete was raised high above his head as he leaned back to slash another walker when its head exploded. Blood and other unknown matter flew and clung to his skin. He looked up to see Sasha on the roof of his house with her gun and silencer. They exchanged quick nods before he made his way further into the fray.

An arrow flew passed Rick's head landing in the eye of a walker. Daryl quickly removed the piece of wood and reloaded his crossbow, taking down the intruders one by one. Abraham, with a gun strapped to his back, ran passed Rick with a knife in each hand. The yells of Maggie, Glenn, and Rosita were behind him as they tried to herd people back into their homes while taking out any walkers that made it passed the group up front.

Having finally reached the front gate, Rick saw the fire was closer than he anticipated.

"Dad!" He heard the voice of his son yell. He ran through the woods at full pace hoping he could avoid the fire. The top of his old Sheriff's hat was visible through the smoke near the abandoned house where he stashed his gun so many weeks ago. Adrenaline pumped through his body as he ran faster, hoping he wasn't too late to save his son.

* * *

**II.**

**2 Hours Earlier**

The steam from the shower clouded the bathroom with a dense fog. Rick couldn't see directly in front of him as he stepped out of the stall. Walking slowly he was stopped abruptly when he bumped into the counter. He wiped the condensation from the mirror and a blurred portrait of himself stared back. A light dusting of soft hair covered his face. The same razor he used the first day they landed in the community laid on the counter, but he placed it back in the drawer. He felt more like himself with the beard. Clean shaven Rick was a product of a past life. A past world. He placed both hands on the counter and leaned forward until he was nose to nose with his reflection. Bloodshot eyes greeted him. He was tired. Physically and mentally tired.

Sleep had finally overtaken him earlier when he fell into a short, restless nap. He'd awakened with a start sweating from a nightmare that had already become a lost memory in his conscious mind before he was fully aware of his surroundings. Panic overtook him when he realized he was alone in his bed. Grabbing his holster, he ran down the hall a second from yelling his little girl's name before he heard the sweet sound of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" coming from the kitchen. Michonne's voice drifted up the stairs. Rick couldn't help the wide smile that broke out onto his face. But it quickly dissipated when what he witnessed earlier came tumbling back into his head. He wanted to forget how she looked at another man with love in her eyes, but the memory had taken up residence and wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. He'd hung his head and made his way to the bathroom.

There he remained, trying to conjure up the strength to get dressed and get through this dinner. He didn't know what he was thinking when he agreed to it. He was never one for big sit down affairs. Even at the prison he usually ate after everyone else had cleared the cafeteria. He felt like he should be doing something more important, but he promised Jessie.

Jessie.

He didn't know why he'd gotten himself tangled in her life, but he felt like he owed her. With a deep exhale he left the bathroom. He passed Michonne's bedroom and he could hear Judith's babbling baby talk. Michonne was answering her as if the girl were asking real questions. Rick couldn't help but smile again. He placed his hand on the door to knock, but just as quickly pulled it away. He pivoted around and made his way to his own bedroom to get dressed. He pulled on his jeans, and the one good shirt he owned. He always felt like an imposter when he wore the white button down. His worn cowboy boots made soft indents in the carpet as he walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Pulling open the fridge door he was happy to see a couple bottles of beer hiding in the back. He popped the top on one and made his way outside. A sheet of white paper taped to the middle of the door caught his eye.

"Shit," Rick cursed as he stared at the neat handwriting on the paper, "As if this day wasn't bad enough already." He balled up the paper and clutched it in his fist. Sitting on the top porch step he let the cool liquid from the beer run down his throat. It felt good but did little to help his mood. His hand was squeezing the balled up paper so hard he could see veins popping out. All of the little scars that adorned his hands looked more visible. Some were battle scars and others were results of bouts of crazy. He leaned his head back against the railing and closed his eyes. He wondered if he would ever feel like a sane man again. Wondered if he even knew what that felt like anymore.

"You look like somebody shit in your coffee." A voice from the sidewalk caused Rick open his eyes. Daryl was standing there with two bottles in his hand.

Rick hadn't realized he was scowling. He didn't want Daryl to know he was questioning his own sanity again. "Deanna," He said simply, "I've been summoned to her house tomorrow for a debriefing. One of her lackeys left this on the door," He held up his hand to show Daryl the balled up piece of paper, "Didn't have the balls to knock and give it to me." He threw the paper to the side and took another drink of beer while looking at Daryl in confusion. "What are you doing here? I thought you were gone for another few days."

"Supposed to be. Thought I might be more needed here though. Didn't want to leave y'all short a man. Not like we got a big group of fighters here."

Rick scoffed. "Ain't that the truth."

"Got no more than 'bout five miles up before I decided to head back. Did find an old house though with a nice liquor stash. Came to share else I'll drink it all myself." Daryl walked up the porch steps to hand Rick a bottle of scotch.

"Well would you look at this," Rick said as he examined the bottle, "Just what I need." The beer wasn't up for the job of making it possible for him to get through the night.

Daryl took in Rick's neat hair and nice shirt. "Why you lookin' so fancy?"Nother party goin' on or somethin'?" He asked

"No, Jessie's coming over to cook dinner for us." Rick said almost embarrassed to admit it to Daryl.

"Jessie, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Ain't that kinda weird?"

"Everything about this fucking place is weird."

"You preachin' to the choir now." Daryl mumbled. "Michonne around?"

"Upstairs with Judith." _And making herself beautiful for Craig._ He wanted to add, but took another drink of his beer instead.

"Got somethin' for her too." He held up a bottle of red wine with a fancy French name. Daryl always thought of Michonne as the cultured type. He thought she deserved something classy.

Rick looked over at the other bottle in Daryl's hand. "Red wine, huh? Yeah that seems like her." Rick yawned, closed his eyes, and leaned back against the railing again. "You should stay for dinner. Carol's coming."

"Nah, I'll pass. Me and Carol ain't exactly buddy buddy lately."

Rick opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "What's going on there?"

"This act she's been puttin' on since we got here," Daryl shook his head, "She ain't even herself anymore. Always plottin' and baking cookies and wearing sweaters."

"Is it the sweaters that really have you perplexed?"

"Fuck you, man."

Rick laughed and took another sip of beer.

"Well, if it isn't Daryl Dixon." Both men turned their heads towards the front door as Michonne walked out with baby Judith on her hip. "You come back, drop people off, and leave again before you can give a proper hello to your family."

Daryl gave Michonne a one armed hug. He placed a kiss on Judith's forehead before looking back at Michonne with a shrug. "Hard to be here sometimes. People always smilin' and happy and shit. Like we ain't livin' in the end of the fuckin' world." He said

"I remember when a certain person told me I was always running away. But you know, shoe, other foot, and all of that." She winked at him.

"Hmph," Daryl grunted, but a corner of his mouth turned up slightly when Judith wrapped one of her tiny hands around his finger. He had missed his family.

"You should stay for dinner." Michonne said to him.

"I already tried to get him to stay. No dice." Rick said from his perch on the steps.

Michonne looked down at Rick. He looked tired and a little sad. She was worried; wondering why he was sitting out in the cold and drinking. "Well, I can be a little more persuasive than the average person." She turned back towards Daryl. "So are you staying?"

"Yeah, fine. Whatever." He handed Michonne the bottle of wine. "Picked something up for you."

Michonne smiled when she saw the bottle. "Vosne-Romanée, Domaine d'Eugénie," She pronounced in a perfect French accent, "This is a great red. I remember first drinking it when I visited Europe after college."

"Glad you like it. If I'm staying than I'ma need a lot more alcohol. What time this thing startin'?" Daryl asked.

Michonne looked over at Rick and shrugged. "Whenever everyone gets here."

"Aight. I'll be back."

"You better, Daryl." Michonne said and smiled when the man just gave her a dismissive wave in response.

She turned back towards Rick and noticed how he was staring as if he'd never seen her before. He let his eyes roam over her body not realizing he was practically gawking. She was dressed in a white sweater, black pants, and knee high black boots. Each piece of clothing hugged every one of her curves beautifully. Her hair was pulled up in a high bun. Eyeliner and touch of lip gloss accented her already beautiful face. It was a simple look, but she pulled it off like she was walking the runway in Paris. He absentmindedly tapped his fingers on his leg as he watch her take a seat on the porch step opposite him. He lightly kicked her boot with his. "Nice." He said complimenting her look.

She smiled over at him. "Thanks. Maggie is always finding goldmines of clothing stashed in different places." She positioned Judith in her lap. She had bundled her up in a little purple coat to match her purple shoes. "So, why are you sitting out here? Were me and Judith keeping up too much noise inside?"

He laughed. "No. I just needed a little air."

Michonne looked at him with concern in her eyes. Things were a bit tense when they talked that morning. She wanted to make sure the air was clear. "Are you all right? I was looking for you earlier. I was surprised to find you sleeping."

Rick shrugged his shoulders. "Guess everything is catching up to me."

"Probably so. You haven't slept for more than a couple hours at a time since the prison."

"Remember that old saying 'I'll sleep when I'm dead?' Seems appropriate nowadays. Who's going to watch out for us if I'm busy sleeping?"

"You can't do everything Rick. We're here to help you."

"Then why does everyone always look to me for every decision? Then look at me with blame and accusations when things go wrong?" He said as he rubbed his eyes.

Michonne watched as his shoulders slumped down. The heavy burden of being a leader was slowly wearing him down. She wished she could take all the pain and worries from him, but she knew the guilt that laid in his heart wasn't going to be easy to eradicate. "Hey," He looked up and locked eyes with her, "I don't."

"No you don't." He said while smiling at her. "You're always with me."

"Always." She said smiling back at him. He broke their gaze first, looking up at the roof of the porch then back towards the street. "But," She said claiming his attention again, "I'm also not afraid to tell you when you're fucking up."

"Yeah I learned that the hard way," He said while rubbing the back of his head in mock pain.

"Sometimes extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. Isn't that right, Judy Girl?" She said to the little girl as she tickled her stomach. Both Rick and Michonne laughed as the Judith yelped gleefully.

"Why were you looking for me earlier?" Rick asked.

"No reason in particular." She still wasn't sure what, if anything, he had witness between her and Craig. It was bothering her more than she wanted it to.

He could just make out the edge of the community lake from where they sat. People were walking over to it with blankets and picnic baskets and toys for the kids not letting the chill in the air stop them from enjoying the outdoors. He didn't know if he'd ever get used to the everyday normalness of the place. He always felt on edge and ready for war. "Carl used to tell me he wanted to live by the water after this one vacation the three of us took to Lake Burton. I guess a manmade lake in the apocalypse is as close as we'll get."

"Mike and I used to go to Lake Burton every summer. Maybe our paths crossed back in the day and we didn't know it."

"I think I would have remembered you." His mind went to images of Michonne lounging on the shore of Lake Burton while wearing a colorful bikini that complimented her beautiful dark skin. He could see her smiling and feeling carefree. Yeah, he would have definitely remembered her. When the picture changed to Craig lying with Michonne at the Alexandria lake he shook his head to purge the image. "I saw you." He whispered to her.

"What?" Michonne questioned. But she knew what he was referring too. She knew he'd seen her with Craig.

"I saw you earlier. With Craig."

"Oh...I..."

Rick waved his hand at her. "You don't have to explain anything to me. You looked happy. I like seeing you happy." If he couldn't be the one to make her happy he was glad someone could. It was hard for him to admit that to himself. "I'm sorry I came on too strong this morning. I was being an asshole. I guess I just care about you too much."

Michonne looked down afraid of what she would see in his eyes. Afraid of what he might see in her eyes. "Not possible. I'm glad you care."

Rick moved closer to her. They sat knee to knee; shoulder to shoulder. "Are you truly happy?" He asked her.

Michonne really didn't know how to answer that question. Happiness seemed like a luxury. Something that could be achieved maybe when they no longer had to worry about food, keeping their shelter and all threats were eliminated. She didn't know if that would ever happen. "I have moments. Lots of them sometimes. But true happiness? I don't know. Seems like a pipe dream." They looked at each other at the same time. Almost finding it impossible to avoid each other gazes for too long. "Are you?" She asked him.

Rick smiled sadly at her. "I think you know the answer to that."

She felt her heart break for him. She reached out and ran a hand through his curls. "Don't let the demons get to you, Rick. We've had good things happen too."

He closed his eyes, exhaled deeply, and opened them again. Her touch was sending shivers up and down his spine. "My kids alive and safe make me happy," He said, "Judith's laugh never fails to make me smile. Carl turning into a wonderful and brave young man in this world makes me more proud than I can say." He paused. "You make me happy."

She removed her hand from his hair and looked at him curiously. "What do I do to make you happy?"

"Just being you. I'd probably still be seeing thangs if you never showed up at the prison."

"You would have pulled through for your children."

Rick tilted his head to the side and back upright again. "I don't know."

"When was the last time you saw her?" Michonne asked referring to Lori.

"It's been awhile but," He looked up and down the street, "Invisible ghosts are everywhere around here."

Michonne let out a small laugh. "I said something similar to Abraham yesterday." They smiled at each other. Understanding each other. A comfortable silence overtook them.

"I just really want you to be happy, Michonne." He finally said.

"I want that for you too, Rick."

"Well, you deserve it more."

Michonne shook her head in exasperation. "We really need to work on your self- worth."

"Shane used to tell me the same thing in high school. I never thought girls liked me." He chuckled ruefully.

"That's the first time I've heard you say his name out loud."

"I've been thinking about both him and Lori a lot since we got here."

"The invisible ghosts," Michonne said, "Do you miss them?

Rick thought about the question for awhile before answering. "I think I miss having the comfort of a wife and a best friend that were with me for most of my life. I miss how simple and predictable that life was. But truth be told I didn't have those things anymore while they were still alive. Me and Lori were slipping further apart day by day. Shane was supposed to be my brother, but he treated me like competition. Like the enemy. Sometimes I wonder if he knew I was still alive in that hospital."

Michonne caressed his knee knowing exactly what he meant. "I missed Mike when I was still with him. He did things…he turned into a different man. One I didn't recognize."

"Or they were always like that and we just didn't see it before."

"Look at you with the psychological insight." She joked.

"I did take a psychology class once." He looked at her with a smirk that quickly turned into a frown. "I guess I kinda turned into someone I didn't recognize either."

"I still saw you. Deep down you were still there." Michonne nodded her head and lightly grasped his hand.

He answered by squeezing her hand tighter not knowing how she always had so much faith in him, but he was forever thankful for it.

"Jessie told me what you said to her." She said untangling their hands while angling herself to face Rick.

He raised both eyebrows in confusion.

"About how you wouldn't save anyone else like that."

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't know why I said that. I guess I was just trying to save her from Pete the best way I knew how."

"Do you have feelings for her?" Michonne asked cautiously not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"No. I don't know. Probably not. I think I liked the thought of her. She reminded me of Lori."

"There's a comfort in the familiar." She said thinking about the afternoon she spent with Craig.

"There is. She always wanted to live in a place like this."

"This would have been my worst nightmare." She scoffed.

Rick smirked at her. "Really?"

"I was a city girl all the way. I was not one for minivans and soccer moms."

"Yeah, I can't see you with any of those things. You'd make a great mom though. I think this little one would agree." He said rubbing his hand across Judith's head. He looked up and saw Michonne had tears in her eyes.

"Hey," He said wiping away her tears with his thumb, "You okay? Did I say something wrong?"

Michonne shook her head. "No. It just means a lot coming from you." She wanted to tell Rick about Andre, but every time she was on the verge of spilling it all to him her lips locked up on her; not ready to share her private pain.

Rick didn't know if it was liquid courage from the beer he'd been nursing or the fact that he couldn't take seeing her cry. He felt almost like he was having an out of body experience as he leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. His lips then kissed away the tears on both sides of her cheeks. Michonne could taste the saltiness when he finally met her lips with his own. The kiss was light and fleeting. He pulled away and stared into her eyes.

"It would never work with Jessie." He whispered while caressing her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Why not?" She asked. Her lips tingled from the kiss. Her whole body was in a state of shock of all that was happening.

"Because I love you." He was about to lean in to kiss her again when footsteps could be heard from people walking down the sidewalk. They pulled away from each other just as the footsteps stopped in front of the house.

"Hope you all are ready for lasagna," Jessie said as she held up the two foil platters in her hands. She gave Michonne a polite glance, but Rick held her full attention. He gave a quick glance over to Michonne then looked down. He scratched behind his ear avoiding the blonde woman's gaze.

"And casserole." Carol said. She looked between Rick and Michonne with a smirk on her face. "And look who we ran into." Craig stood behind Carol holding more platters with a big smile on his face, locked on Michonne.

"I think I've been put to work already." He said.

"Well lets get everything to the kitchen. Rick and Michonne you guys can stay out here. We'll get everything together." Carol said as she followed Jessie up the stairs and smiled knowingly at the two of them as she passed.

Michonne shook her head to break the spell Rick had her under. She stood up with Judith still in her arms. "No, that's okay. Come on Craig let me show you inside."

Rick stared up at her feeling the urge to pull her back down to devour her lips fully. Instead he nodded to Craig as the man passed by him. He stood up and moved closer to Michonne. He licked remnants of her sticky lip gloss off his lips. "I guess we'll have to finish this later." He whispered into her ear before taking Judith from her arms.

She nodded at him and touched her lips. She looked down at her fingers as if they had the answers to what just happened between the two of them. "Right." She picked up the bottle of wine and walked back into the house with Craig at her heels. She turned to look at Rick one last time before closing the front door.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: This chapter is dialogue heavy. I hope all the different conversations going on during the dinner make sense.**

* * *

**I.**

Michonne ran down the stairs with a crying Judith in her arms. The baby was cranky after being awakened suddenly. "I know baby girl. I'm sorry." Michonne place a kiss on the top of her head. The katana bounced against her back as she did a quick search of the kitchen and living room.

"Carl," She called out.

Craig backed away from the front door where he had a view of the chaos on the street. "He left shortly after Rick. He said he had to help his father."

"Damnit," Michonne cursed, "I told him to stay here and wait for me. Is Carol still here?"

"No, she left too."

Sasha ran back through the front door with her gun in her hands. "I'm going up to the roof. Try to take as many out as I can." She called over her shoulder as she took the stairs two at time.

Michonne looked around the room. She knew protecting Judith was her first priority, but she couldn't leave her family out there fighting without her. There were so few people who could actually protect themselves in the community. Depending on how many walkers were out there they could be in for a long night.

"Craig stay here with Jessie, her boys, and Father Gabriel. Lock the door and stay away from the windows. I'm going to take Judith over to Tara's house."

"I can take care of Judith." Jessie said while reaching for the baby.

Michonne shook her head emphatically. "No offense, but I need to leave Judith with someone I know can keep her safe."

She swiftly moved to the door. "You're not going out there to fight, are you?" Craig asked.

"Of course I am." She yelled without stopping.

Thankful the walkers hadn't made their way deeper into the community yet, Michonne was able to get to Tara's house quickly. The woman was standing with Eugene on her porch. Both were armed with knives.

"Tara, I need you to take care of Judith."

"Of course. Abraham, Rosita, Maggie, and Glenn are out there already."

Michonne handed the baby to her. "Promise me you'll protect her above all else."

Tara held Judith close to her. "With my life, Michonne." She looked at Eugene.

"Yes, ma'am. We assure you the offspring of Rick Grimes will be secure in our hands."

* * *

**II.**

**1 Hour Earlier**

"So you and this Rick guy live together?" Craig followed closely behind Michonne while looking around the house taking in the decor; still amazed there were homes like this in the new world.

"Hmmm?" She said as she placed the bottle of wine on the counter. Rick, still standing on the front porch, came into her view as she turned back towards the window. Eyes locked together and he gave her a half smile. Her gaze traveled down to his lips then she quickly looked away; feeling flustered. Warmth flushed down her body. She looked longingly back at the bottle of wine suddenly craving a drink.

"I said do you live here with Rick?" Craig was looking at her curiously as she started to fan herself.

"Oh. Yeah. Mmhm. Me, him, and the kids." Michonne started opening drawers at an almost frantic pace. "There has to be a corkscrew in here somewhere," She mumbled to herself.

"I think there's one in the drawer near the dishwasher." Carol said.

"Great. Thanks." Michonne busied herself opening the wine. She held the bottle up to Craig silently asking him if he wanted a drink. He shook his head as he watched her top off a juice glass. She handed the bottle to Carol and led Craig into the living room. Perched on the arm the couch he watched as she paced around the room alternately taking a sip of her wine then touching her lips with a sigh and starting the process all over again.

He had an excellent view of the front porch from where he sat. From his peripheral vision he could see Rick almost mirror her as he paced the porch with a baby on his hip. It didn't go unnoticed by him how close the two of them were sitting out there earlier.

"How many kids does Rick have?" He asked.

"Just two. The baby is Judith, and he has a teenage son, Carl."

"So you're helping this man take care of his kids?"

"Yes," Michonne said sharply; not really wanting to answer questions with her mind being a jumble at the moment, "A big group of us have been together for awhile. We're family. I've become very close to Rick's children." She immediately felt bad when she saw Craig throw up in hand in defense. It wasn't his fault she was reeling from Rick dropping truth bombs and throwing his lips on hers without any warning.

"Okay Chonney. Just asking." He paused making sure his words were as diplomatic as possible. "I don't think he likes me."

Michonne waved off his concern. "Rick doesn't like anyone at first. You should have seen us when we met."

"He reminds me of Mike."

She stopped pacing; shocked by the comparison. "What do you mean?" The two men couldn't be further apart in demeanor. Mike was the epitome of laid-back coolness. None of those things would describe Rick.

"I only met the brother a couple times, but he had that alpha-male sniffing out any competition vibe going on. So does Rick."

"You're talking crazy now." Michonne said shaking her head

"So there are no feelings between the two of you? Not that it's my business. He just seemed real possessive of you back at Morgan's place yesterday."

"You're right. It's not your business," Michonne started her pacing again, "There's not much time for romance between trying to stay alive."

Craig caught that she didn't deny any feelings between her and Rick. Before he could point that out to her Carl walked into the house with Judith in his arms.

"Hey, you're home." Michonne said. "I see your Dad handed off Judy Girl to you."

"Yeah he said it was getting too cold for her out there." Michonne took a quick look out of the window, but only caught sight of Rick's back. He should have been coming out of the cold too.

"Check out these new comics Enid let me borrow." Carl waved around the books in his free hand. "Did you know they made Thor a woman, and Captain America is Sam Wilson? How cool is that."

"I definitely have to read these after you." She rubbed a loving hand across his head. "Your sister is looking sleepy. Go put her in her crib. Then come back down for dinner."

"Do I really have to come back down?"

"Yes you do. Ron will be here and he could use a friend."

"We haven't been friends really since Dad," He looked over at Craig, "Well you know. But if you say I gotta come to this dinner then I will."

"Yeah you gotta." Michonne said as she gave him a gentle push towards the stairs.

Craig watched as Michonne looked at the teen with a maternal love.

"What happened to their mother?" He asked

"She died giving birth to Judith right before I met up with the group."

"Tough break for those kids."

"Yes it was. Carl's been through so much. I'm glad we have this community. If nothing else at least they have some semblance of safety."

"I'm very glad for this community too." He walked over to Michonne and pulled her into a hug.

* * *

**III.**

Rick stared out onto the street with his hands deep in his jeans pockets. After finally getting a taste, his lips were craving for more of Michonne. The urge to go inside and kick everyone out of his house was bubbling up in him. He needed more time with her. The confidence he had in showing and telling her his feelings had evaporated. He was worried he had made the wrong move. She ran from him so quickly, and now she was inside with Craig. His forehead wrinkled with worry while wondering if he showed his hand too soon.

Before he had time to ponder more, Sasha and Gabe rounded the corner and came up the stairs. "What are you guys doing here?" Rick asked.

Sasha shrugged, looked at Father Gabriel and then back at Rick. "Carol told us to come by for dinner. She said it was a family get together."

Rick said a silent thank you to Carol for thinking ahead. He thought the more people there the less awkward it would be. Hopefully, it would also mean dinner would be over soon so he could talk to Michonne.

Rick gestured towards the door. "Be my guest."

Jessie came outside looking for Rick, wondering why he was hiding, as Sasha and Gabe walked in. "Oh great," she said sarcastically as the two new guests walked passed here into the house, "More people are showing up. This is turning out to be the complete opposite from the intimate dinner I was hoping for."

Taking another swig from his beer bottle he watched Jessie, almost shyly, walk up to him before placing a hand on his shoulder. The intimacy of her gesture didn't register immediately on his brain because he caught sight of Craig with his arms around Michonne through the front window. He resisted the urge to run inside and knock the man's limbs off of her.

"...almost two decades of marriage, but still feeling lonely."

Rick turned back to Jessie realizing she had been talking to him. "I'm sorry. Were you saying somethin'?"

"Oh my God, Rick. I might start thinking you don't like me at all. You don't seem to like listening to me talk. I might as well be talking to my owl sculpture."

"I'm sorry," Rick said sincerely, "I'm just easily distracted." He glanced in the window again and saw Craig talking to Gabe. Michonne was hugging Sasha. He exhaled with relief. Jessie's hand was still resting on his shoulder. He noticed her wedding band again. Almost six-weeks to the date since he shot and killed her husband, and she still hadn't taken off her ring. Yet she was at his house cooking for him. Almost a year to the date since Lori sacrificed herself so their baby girl could live, and his own ring still adorned his finger. He wondered what Lori would think about his current situation. He'd lost himself again because Jessie reminded him of a life that died a long time ago. The future may have been sullied because he realized too late that Michonne was the one for him; the one he loved. Another man might swoop in and be the victor of her heart.

He ran his free hand through his hair almost wanting to laugh at having a complicated love life in the midst of the dead rising up and walking again. He wanted to tell Jessie all that was going on in head but, "Lori used to like owls too," is all that came out.

She smiled at him. "Well she seems like a smart woman then."

He nodded. "It was only for a short while. She had this thing with bird watching. I had forgotten about it until I saw your sculpture when we first got here. You reminded me of her."

"That's pretty amazing to remind you of your wife. I think any woman you would choose to love had to be pretty special."

Rick glanced into the window looking for Michonne. "Yeah."

"I was saying before," Jessie said while stepping closer to him, "that Pete and I were married for a long time. It was fine in the beginning, but I spent many years feeling lonely in my marriage."

Rick looked down at his feet; feeling uneasy with her so close. "I know what that feels like."

"I was barely twenty when we got married. It was kinda shotgun since I was pregnant with Ron."

"Me and Lori were young too. I guess it's easy to grow apart when you're practically kids."

"I thought about leaving Pete a lot. Between the abuse," She sighed, "and just not being in love anymore. But in my family once you marry you stay married. Then the world changed, and here we find ourselves. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here. I'm so grateful for you."

Rick couldn't take the sincerity of the words knowing that he didn't share the same feelings. He kept his eyes trained on his feet.

She grabbed his arm forcing his eyes up. "Look Rick, I know things aren't ideal, but we have a lot in common. I think maybe we could be good for each other."

Guilt overcame Rick as he thought about how he'd inserted himself into Jessie's life and turned it upside down because of the shit going on in his head. Her eyes were full of hope and eagerness of something new budding between them. He knew he couldn't let it go on any further.

"Jessie, I..." He started but he stopped abruptly when he saw her leaning in closer to him. It didn't register what she was doing until he felt her warm breath against his skin. Right before their lips touched, he turned his head slightly. Her lips grazed the hair on face while his feet took an involuntary step back.

"Oh." The word came out in a chocked whisper. A pink tint quickly moved down her body as her embarrassment settled in. She stood there with her mouth slightly open and a hand loosely sitting on her chest.

"Really, Mom? His body isn't even cold yet." Both Rick and Jessie turned to see Ron and Sam standing in front of the house. Ron grabbed his little brother's hand and marched into the house; slamming the door closed.

Rick and Jessie stood on the porch in a tension filled silence for a few moments. He cleared his throat and turned towards the woman. "Jessie..."

She held up her hands to stop whatever he was about to say. Her eyes were glassy with tears. "Don't say it. Don't say anything. I feel like a fool. I just thought," She shook her head and laughed humorlessly, "I don't know what I was thinking." She turned to walk back into the house. "Dinner should be ready any second." She said quietly before entering.

Rick felt like a jackass. He thought about just leaving. Going to the Constable's office and waiting until Michonne, and he knew she would, came looking for him. He was halfway down the porch steps when Daryl came back around with another bottle of Scotch in his hand.

"Brought some more liquor. Get your skinny, white ass in the house so we can get this over with."

* * *

**IV.**

Rick walked into the crowded dining room searching for Michonne. She was setting the table. Everyone was occupied doing last minute tasks or with conversation as he stealthy walked over to her and placed a hand on the small of her back. She jumped from the surprise of the contact and from the shiver that ran down her body.

"We need to talk," He whispered in her ear.

"Rick, we're a room full of people."

"So?"

"So that would be rude. We'll talk later."

He looked at her closely. "Are you trying to avoid me?"

"No," She gave his hand a light squeeze, "You just threw a lot at me earlier."

He rubbed her lower back while nodding. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Hey Michonne are there any more glasses?" Sasha asked from across the table.

"Yeah, I'll go get them." Michonne gave him an apologetic look, and made her way to the kitchen.

A short time later everyone was seated for dinner. Carol was sitting to the right of Rick in the space he was hoping Michonne would occupy. Instead she resided at the other end of the table sitting next to Craig and Carl. He was openly staring at her as he started on his second glass of Scotch. She finally looked up at him. He raised his glass up to her in a private toast. She smiled slightly, shook her head, and turned her attention back to Carl.

"Don't worry we won't be here long," Carol whispered to him. He'd hadn't exactly confessed his feelings for Michonne to Carol earlier, but she had an idea what was going on between them.

"Gabe, why don't you say grace," Sasha said.

"Okay...umm...Lord I know many may doubt you now, but it is because of your grace that though the world is in a period of shadows, we found a home and community that will keep us save and provide us the refuge we need to wait out this war on humanity. We know that we will eventually get to the other side of glory, and for this we thank you, Lord. We thank you for the people gathered around this table that you have brought together as a family. We thank you for this food. We know you will always provide for us if we remain your humble servants. In Jesus's name. Amen."

"Amen." Carol said with a smile. "May the Lord be with us all."

"Give it a rest," Darryl mumbled from his place to the left of Rick. Carol looked at him with concern and slight regret.

"It's nice to have a man of faith in the community. Makes it feel more like home." Craig said.

Rick scoffed, but said nothing. He looked to the side and caught Jessie's eye. They both averted their gazes away from each other quickly.

"Are you a man of faith, Craig?" Gabe asked.

"Yeah, grew up in the church. Both me and Chonney were there every Sunday for service and Wednesday for Bible Study."

"Only because my parents made me." Michonne said with a little laugh

"Chonney. Well ain't that cute." Rick whispered under his breath.

Everyone started passing the food around. Sounds of utensils scrapping against plates filled the air. Rick was the only one not participating. He poured himself another drink while eyeing everyone at the table. The surreal mix of family, strangers, and acquaintances made him squint and wonder what he was doing there. He locked eyes with Michonne once again. They couldn't go long without finding each other across the table. He mouthed, "Let's get out of here," to her while tilting his head towards the door. She shook her head slightly at him and mouthed, "Not now," back to him. He sighed and continued drinking.

"So you're a doctor, Craig," Sasha broke the silence.

"Yep, a dermatologist."

"We finally don't have to worry about acne anymore. I know I'll be able the sleep better at night." Rick said as everyone looked at him wondering where his hostility was coming from. Michonne knew. She thought maybe they _should_ go somewhere to talk before he imploded on himself. She noticed how much he'd been drinking

"Well," Sasha said, "It's still it's nice to have another doctor here." She looked up at Ron, Sam, and Jessie. "Oh, I'm sorry."

Jessie lifted up her hand saying, "It's okay," just as Ron said, "At least somebody cares."

Carl sighed and threw his fork on his plate.

Michonne raised an eyebrow and bent over to whisper to him. "You okay?"

"Why are we doing this? The whole thing is just weird. Dad's acting weird."

"I know," She patted his hand, "Just eat fast and we'll be done there soon."

"Trying to get back upstairs to read those comic books, little man?" Craig asked.

"Yeah." Carl picked up his fork again, and pushed the lasagna around his plate. He thought Craig was nice, but he was always leery of strangers.

"Did you know Michonne over here once created her own comic book?" Craig said to Carl.

"No way." Carl looked up excitedly

"I'd forgotten about that." Michonne laughed. "I thought I was going to be the next Stan Lee."

"Just when I think you can't get any more awesome."

Michonne laughed again. "Remember you think I'm awesome when I have to make you do your homework."

"She used to make me do my homework too back in high school." Craig said.

"And she's impossible to say no to, right?" Carl said.

"Impossible."

"You too should be grateful for my caring spirit." She said as the three of them laughed.

"Everything okay down there," Rick called from his end of the table, "Carl you okay?" Rick couldn't help the jealousy that crept up on him as he watched his son and Michonne have a good time with Craig.

"Umm yeah, Dad." Carl hoped his Dad wasn't on the verge on losing his cool again.

"What did you do in your past life, Rick?" Craig knew Rick was trying to get under his skin so he decided to change the subject.

"I don't think that really matters, Craig." Rick leaned back in his chair.

"The past is a part of us no matter what's happening around us now."

Rick shrugged. "I was a Sheriff." He said. He took another drink.

"In Atlanta?"

"King's County."

"Had an uncle who used to have to drive through King's County for work. He said they were some of the most racist cops he'd come across."

"Have to admit some of my former coworkers weren't the best people, but I was always fair and just."

"Good to know. Wouldn't want Chonney living with a bigot."

"I think Chonney," He drawled out sarcastically, "Can more than take care of herself."

"It would be nice if you two could stop talking about me like I wasn't here." Michonne was exasperated with the both of them.

Rick looked at Michonne and his eyes immediately softened, but they hardened again we he looked back towards Craig. Deep down, under the haze of alcohol he knew he had no right to be upset at the man, but he wasn't ready to concede to the bigger person inside. "How did you survive out there on your own for so long?"

"Took refuge in the hospital where I worked for awhile until it was overrun with the dead. Set up camp with a few of the doctors afterwards, but we got separated after another invasion shortly before Daryl and Aaron found me."

"And y'all didn't find anyone else in his group?" Rick directed his question to Daryl.

"Nah man." Daryl said as he licked lasagna sauce off of his fingers. He wanted no part in whatever Rick was doing.

"I guess they didn't survive." Craig said.

"Hmm," said Rick. "Michonne, did you ask him the questions?"

"No, haven't had the time." She said. "Rick, why don't you come help me get more salad from the fridge." She knew she needed to diffuse the situation.

"Sure, in a second." Rick said. The offer of finally going off alone with Michonne couldn't stop him on his quest to get down to the bottom of what brought Craig to them.

"What questions?" Craig asked.

"How many walkers have you killed?"

"...a lot..."

"How many people have you killed?"

"None. I haven't killed any people."

"Why?"

"Why?" Craig said back to Rick incredulously.

"Yeah, why? We all had to do bad things to survive this long."

"You're really asking me why I haven't killed an actual human person. From what I hear around the community maybe I should be asking you these questions. I hear you like to kill people."

"Just the bad ones. You a bad one?" Rick accent became more pronounced; his voice deeper.

Craig turned to Michonne. "You know he's lucky you're here to help him take care of his kids because there's obviously something wrong with him. They're as lucky to have you as Andre was."

Rick's faced was marred with confusion. "Andre? Who's Andre?"

Michonne stood up, shocked to hear her baby boy's name thrown around the dining room as if his memory wasn't sacred. As if anyone other than her deserved to say it. Before she could respond a plate crashed onto Rick's face. He felt blood trickle down his cheek. Noodles, cheese, and sauce covered his shirt.

"You killed my Dad and no one fucking cares. Not even you Mom. You're out there kissing the man who killed him. I know he did some bad things, but he was still my father." Ron screamed as he stood up and lunged towards Rick.

"Ron please stop." Jessie shouted.

"Leave my Dad alone!" Carl tackled Ron to the ground. A couple of sloppily thrown punches landed before the boys were pulled away from each other. Michonne was holding Carl while Daryl held a crying Ron.

"Everyone needs to calm down." Michonne said. She met Rick's eyes and sighed.

* * *

**V.**

Rick stood in the half bath off the living room, shirtless and applying alcohol to the cut on his cheek. He was lucky the plate didn't cause more damage.

Michonne walked into the bathroom, throwing a fresh shirt on the counter for him. She stared at his reflection in the mirror. "You insist on continuing to scar that pretty face of yours."

Rick looked back at her through the mirror. "I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand."

"You never do," She said quietly.

Rick turned around to face her. "What Ron said about me and Jessie kissing is not really true. She tried to kiss me, but I turned away."

"You don't have to explain anything to me. It's not like we're a thing."

"We could be."

Michonne sighed. "Rick, what are we doing?"

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her towards him. "Do you have feelings for me?"

"It's not that simple."

"I think it is. Do you have feelings me?"

"We can't afford to be wrapped up in each other with everything that's going on."

"How can we afford not to when tomorrow is never a promise?" He pleaded with her. He kissed her again. Deeper. Longer. Their tongues met as if they've been longing for each other for a lifetime. He pulled her tighter against his body. Feeling his arousal caused her to dig her nails into his bare shoulder. His hands moved up her torso and brushed across her breasts. He moved back down to grab her ass pulling her even tighter. Her hips started to involuntarily grind against him. The senses in her body were overloading, she had to pull away to catch her breath.

"Rick..." She breathed out in a whisper.

"Hmm?" He said as he moved his lips to her neck still caressing her bottom.

"There's still a house full of people here. And the door's open."

He slammed the door closed with his foot. She moved out of his embrace and leaned against the counter. Pulling on the fresh t-shirt she brought him, he decided to try a new tactic. "Okay if you don't want to talk about us then who's Andre?"

"What?" Michonne moved from the counter and took a step back from him.

"Who's Andre? I saw your reaction when Craig said the name. He was obviously someone important to you." Rick sat in the space she vacated on the counter and crossed his arms.

Michonne started to rub her temples with her fingers. She wasn't ready to have that conversation. "Rick that's not important right now."

"I feel you know so much about me, but you can be such a blank wall sometimes. Who's Andre?"

Michonne exhaled slowly to keep herself from crying. "He was...my son."

"Shit...Michonne...shit." He quickly cleared the space between them and pulled her into a hug.

"Dad, come quick. Something's going on. Tobin's at the door." They looked at each other and ran to the front door. Shouts and screams could be heard coming from the street. Fire blazing near the gate could be seen from the porch.

"We have a problem. There's been a breach." Tobin said.


	8. Chapter 8

**I.**

"Do you think we should go out there?" Craig asked as he watched the chaos from the window. Worry creased his brow when he saw more of the undead than the living limping through the streets. He was concerned about what Michonne had gotten herself into. The guilt of being safely inside while she was out there risking her life was starting to get to him. A view of dreads twisting in the air drew him closer to the window. He watched as Michonne did a pirouette that would evoke the envy of a prima ballerina as she cut off the heads of three walkers. He stood there in awe wondering when she learned to do that.

"Michonne said stay here, and I have learned to listen when she says to do something." Father Gabriel said. "Beside her, Rick and everyone else are more than capable of taking care of themselves and all of us."

"Ron? Sam? I told you boys to stay close. Where are you?"

Craig and Gabe turned to see Jessie come from the kitchen while wringing her hands. "What's wrong, Jessie?" Gabe asked.

"I can't find my boys."

Before another word could be uttered Sam popped up from where he was hiding behind the couch. "Is Carol back yet?" He asked.

"No, sweetie not yet. Where's your brother?" Jessie said through her tears. She was crying because she was scared. Because she was relieved to see Sam. Because deep down she always was sad. But most of all she was crying because in this chaos her baby boy called out for another woman.

"I'm here too." Ron walked down the stairs, adjusting the back of his sweatshirt. He walked to where his mother and brother were crouched down behind the sofa. "Everything's going to be okay, Mom. I'm the man of the house now. I know Dad did a lot of bad things. I guess I just loved him anyway. I wish I could have saved you earlier, but I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again."

Jessie wrapped her arms around both of her sons as they rested their heads on her shoulders. "I love you both so much."

Craig turned back to the window and jumped when he saw a face staring back at him. He grabbed at the knife he took from the kitchen.

"It's Rosita." Gabe said as he ran to open the door for her. Craig blew out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he made his way to the door too.

"Michonne asked me to come check on everyone. Things are becoming manageable out here. Everyone good here?" She asked.

"We're okay in here." Craig said. "You guys are obviously okay out there." He looked out into the street seeing mostly decapitated and still bodies of the undead lining the streets when they were just limping through a moment ago.

* * *

**II.**

"Dad come quick." Carl yelled. Rick was running full speed and stopped abruptly as he arrived at the clearing where the abandoned house stood. The display before him left him speechless. An array of dead rodents and other small animals made a messy trail leading to the front of the Alexandria gate. He hadn't noticed in his urgency to get to Carl.

"It's just like at the prison," Carol said, "When Lizzie was leaving the mice for the walkers. Someone must have did this on purpose. They wanted the walkers to show up at our doorstep."

"Fuck," Rick said under his breath. He walked over to where Carl stood and placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "You okay?"

"I'm fine Dad. We need to investigate this further though. Maybe we should head deeper into the woods and see if there are any other clues." Carl backed away from his father to head behind the house.

"Carl stop, " Rick said, "Where's your sister? Michonne? I thought I told you to stay close to her."

"I saw how many walkers were out there. I knew you needed my help."

"Did you see where Michonne went?"

"She was making sure Judith was safe. I followed Carl out to make sure _he_ was safe." Carol said.

"Thanks, Carol." Rick nodded at her to show his appreciation.

"I know how to keep myself safe." Carl said.

"You do, but you still should have listened to Michonne." Rick said. "I didn't see her out there in the streets. Maybe she stayed with Judith, but I can't imagine her not helping with the fight." Rick said.

Carol could hear the slight panic in his voice. "Come on," she said, "It's dark. It'll do us no good stomping through the woods looking for clues now. Let's go back, make sure everyone is okay, and regroup."

* * *

**III.**

Michonne looked around at the bodies around her. Relief flooded her body when she realized none of them were of her family members. None of them were Rick or Carl. She made her way to the front of the community where Abraham and Tobin were tossing buckets of watch onto the fire.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Abraham said, "Only one tree burned. Whoever set it sure as hell wanted us to think the whole fuckin' community was on fire."

"Had to be a trap." Said Maggie coming up behind her.

"I'd bet that on my mother's gotdamn grave." Abraham said.

"Have you guys seen Rick?" Michonne said. She spun around in a circle trying to see the community from every angle, but still she had no sight of him.

"He took off towards the woods." Abraham said.

Michonne ran in the direction he pointed. "Rick," she called out as loud as she could without attracting any walkers.

"Michonne!" she heard her name shouted back at her.

A few seconds later Rick came into view; running towards her with Carl and Carol not far behind. She didn't have time to breathe a sigh of relief before Rick pulled into a tight hug. "Thank God," he whispered into her ear. "I was getting worried when I couldn't find you."

After being caught by surprise by the hug she relaxed into it; grateful he was okay. "I was worried too."

"Judith?" He asked as he reluctantly pulled away from her.

"Judith's fine. She's with Tara and Eugene." She turned to Carl and wrapped her arms around him. "Next time I tell you to wait for me, you wait. Are we clear?"

"I'm sorry, just everything happened so quickly. But you gotta see what we found." Carl said.

Michonne looked up at Rick and met his eyes. "It's not good." He said.

* * *

**IV.**

"Someone has obviously been putting those animals out here on purpose to lure walkers to the community. We need more than one person manning the front gate at all times. Three or four would be ideal. Sasha is our best sharp shooter, but she can't be in the watch tower twenty-four seven. I need to assess everyone that can handle a gun and give out four hour shift assignments through the day and night...," Rick trailed off when he realized Deanna wasn't listening to him, "Am I'm boring you?" He said. "Excuse me for trying to protect this gotdamn community."

"I was listening to you, Rick." Deanna let out a weary sigh. The usual well put together woman was wearing an old cardigan, sweat pants, and a t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a pony-tail show her very visible graying hair at the roots. "I just don't think all of that is necessary. We have enough protection. No person was hurt or killed last night. We'll be fine."

"How can you say that? This is the second time since we've arrived here that walkers have come through the gates."

"Then maybe it's you that's the problem then." She said sharply.

Rick took a step back and tilted his head to the side. "What is it, Deanna? You want me and my people out of here?"

"My husband and son were alive before you came here. Seems you brought in all of the problems."

"Or I exposed the problems you swept under the rug." Rick challenged. He stood with his feet wide apart with his right hand resting on the butt on his gun.

Deanna studied him for a moment. "You know I told you I read people well. I'm rarely wrong, but I think I misjudged you. Not completely, but I didn't take into account how much of your soul you may have lost while surviving out there. Your gun is your security blanket. As long as you have that thing strapped on you think you have a right to dictate lives. You think you have a right to decide who lives or dies. But one day this hell we're living in will be over, and we will need to rebuild this world. We can't do that if we all start thinking like you. If we all become savages."

Rick laughed humorlessly. "You weren't preaching this when you told me to shoot Pete after he killed Reg. I have killed to protect my family. I will probably have to do it again. I would kill to protect you. If that makes me a savage," Rick shrugged, "Then I can live with that. At least those I love will still be alive."

Deanna just shook her head. "I always tried not to live with many regrets, but they've been piling up the last few weeks. Do what you think you need to do to protect the community." Deanna grabbed a photo album from the coffee table and made her way up the stairs. "By the way, the reason I asked you here was to tell you I'm releasing Nicholas. He's remorseful. I don't think he'll be a problem anymore.

"He shot Glenn. He could have killed him. He wanted to kill him. And you're just going to let him out to roam free in the community. If he kills someone that's on you." Rick felt his whole body start to heat up. The naiveté and willful ignorance of the community never failed to simultaneously shock and anger him.

"I thought killing was alright with you, Rick. Maybe Nicholas thought he was protecting himself from Glenn after what happened Aiden." Deanna's voice faded and Rick heard the slam of a door closing. He was about to make his way up the staircase to finish their conversation when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't do it." Maggie said.

"Did you hear what she said?"

"Every word. And believe me I'm pissed off more than anybody about the man who shot Glenn being free, but we have bigger fish to fry. We need to protect the community. Protect our family from whatever is out there."

Rick rubbed a hand across his face and looked up the stairs one last time. "Yeah." He said.

* * *

**V.**

Rick walked out of Deanna's house to find Michonne sitting on the porch steps. "Hey." He said.

Michonne stood at the sound of his voice. "How'd it go?" She asked.

Rick shook his head and gestured for them to start walking. "About as well as you'd expect. It's like talking to a fucking brick wall with these people. The community could have gone up in flames last night with walkers everywhere, but none of them seem to care."

"Well, fuck them then." Michonne said.

Rick stopped walking and raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me."

"Fuck them." Michonne repeated. "I was all for their way of life when it looked like there were no threats. But after the attack last night and the Wolves out there we do what we need to do. They'll benefit from our protection, but we're no longer asking for permission. This is home now. I'm not letting Carl and Judith go back out there to barely survive."

Rick smiled at her. "One more day with a chance." He said.

Michonne smiled back. "That's all I ever wanted for the kids. For all of us."

"Lets gather everyone at our house around noon to go over the game plan."

"Sounds good."

They walked on in silence for another block. Rick looked over at her from the corner of his eyes once they reached the lake. "So I know there's a lot going on," he started hesitantly, "But are we ever going to talk about yesterday?"

Michonne looked down at her feet suddenly feeling shy and nervous around Rick. "I haven't processed all that happened yesterday yet. Maybe we can talk when we're able to take a breath after we deal with surviving whatever is coming."

Rick nodded and placed his hands inside the pocket of his jeans. "If that's what you want. But you know there's no guarantee we'll ever get to have that conversation."

Michonne finally looked up and locked her eyes on his. "We don't die, Rick."

He lifted the corner of his mouth in a half smile and looked off to the side. "Our luck gotta run out sometime."

Michonne reached out to grab Rick's hand. "Not if I can help it." She said.

He looked down at their intertwined hands and smiled. They dropped their hands as they saw Carl coming towards to them.

"Do you know school is still in session today? After everything that happened last night they want us to go read about people who are all probably dead or walkers by now." Carl stood with his hands on his hips with his feet wide apart. He was almost a carbon copy of his father.

"At least for today you don't have to go." Rick said. "We need to come up with a game plan and I want you there. Safety is the top priority right now."

"Cool." Carl said. "I want take some shifts in the watch..." Carl's voice trailed off as he spotted someone running towards them.

"What is it?" Rick asked as he saw Carl's attention was adverted elsewhere. Ron was walking towards them. Something was different about the teen.

"I want to talk to you, Rick." He tried to sound tough, but his voice was chocked full of nerves. He kept looking behind him, and rubbing his neck. Rick instinctively took a step forward while holding out a hand to keep Carl behind him.

"Okay, son. Go ahead and talk." Rick said.

"Don't," Ron's voice came out in an angry squeak, "Don't call me son. I'm not your son. You ruined my family. I saw you kissing my mom and then I saw you kissing her," he pointed to Michonne, "You don't care about her. You don't care about anyone, but yourself." He reached for his waistband and pulled out a gun.

Rick put his hands up in surrender. "Okay Ron. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk it out." He saw Michonne take a step forward. He did a slight shake of his head letting her know he had this.

"No I think it does," Ron said sounding bolder. "All of us would be better off without you here."

"You don't want to do this, Ron." Carl said through clenched teeth.

"Why do you still get to have a father when mine is gone? And now he's going to use my mom and throw her away."

"Ron lets just go back to my house and talk this -" The loud pop in the air took Rick back to the night he ripped out a man's throat with his teeth. He felt the same disorientation. Everything was moving in slow motion. The brush of Michonne's hair tickled the side of his face as she ran by him to take the gun away from Ron. He tried to tell her to stop. Tried to tell her not to escalate the situation. Absently he went to push Carl further behind him, but his hand only met air. The drumming of his heart intensified in his ears as he looked back for Carl. The body of his son laid in the lake. A red circle on his torso became bigger and darkened the water around him as he sunk below the surface.


	9. Chapter 9

Dirty, wet footprints littered the linoleum floor in the infirmary waiting area. The click of boots pacing was the only sound evident besides the muffled voices talking urgently behind the closed door. He stopped every few minutes to stare off into space. A steady stream of water, dripping down from his soaked clothes, formed tiny pools around him. Mumbled words started to fill the air. Michonne couldn't decipher most of what he was saying, but she caught a "Lori" and multiple "I'm sorry's." A helpless feeling washed over her as she watched Rick shed his fragile layers of sanity.

Wanting to do something, anything, to bring him back she stood and blocked his path as he started pacing again. "Rick you really need to get out of these wet clothes," she said quietly.

He looked at her in confusion, not processing the words she was saying. The grief and pain that marred his eyes were so strong she had to look away; all too familiar with what he was going through.

"You need to change your clothes." She repeated. Looking down at his hands she saw his fingernails still held a blue tint from when he dived into the frigid lake water. "We can't have you catching pneumonia." She said.

He shook his head while looking down at the floor. "I can't...Carl...I need to be here."

"Carol brought over some clean, dry clothes for you," She pointed to the neatly folded jeans and shirt lying on the chair, "You can use the supply room to change. You'll still be close to Carl. You're not leaving him."

The tears that had been threatening to spill for the past hour finally rolled down his face blending in with his already damp skin. "My son took a bullet for me."

"And the people behind that door are doing everything they can to save him."

"I should be in there with him. What if he..." Rick couldn't finish the sentence. The mere thought almost had him paralyzed in pain.

"We need to let them work without distraction." She took his hand to lead him down the hallway. "Come on. Let's get you changed."

Once they entered the supply room Rick just stood near the doorway seemingly not knowing what to do. Michonne took the initiative to start unbuttoning his shirt. She could feel the wetness soaked through to his skin. The shirt fell to the floor as she peeled it off his shoulders. With his upper body exposed, multiple shivers overtook him. He hadn't realized until then how practically frozen he felt.

Michonne found a towel on one of the shelves and started to dry his torso; hoping it would help warm him up. She moved to his arms avoiding the bandage haphazardly placed on his right forearm. Rick watched her closely seeing only the top of her head as she worked at taking care of him. Soon his eyes lost its focus as he mentally went back in time. Birthday parties, baseball games, barbecues, all the things he used to do with his son before the world went to hell. He used to question almost daily if he was a good husband, but he never doubted his love and commitment to Carl until now. He didn't know if he could call himself a parent anymore.

"I don't know why you stay with me." His voice came out in a hoarse whisper. "I'm no good to anyone. Shane said I couldn't keep them safe. He was right. Lori's dead. Carl was shot…," his voice broke, "again. I would have lost Judy if it wasn't for Tyreese."

Michonne stopped her ministrations and pulled his face down so she could look into his eyes. "Rick, that's your grief talking. You don't believe that. Carl's going to be okay," she raised her voice for emphasis, "He will be." She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him or herself.

Wordlessly his eyes bored into her. She could see his mind working in overdrive as if he was trying to solve a riddle. He finally looked up at the ceiling as he kicked off his boots and began to absentmindedly unbutton his jeans and pulled the wet garment down his legs. Michonne turned away to give him some privacy.

"You don't have to look away." He said after a few moments.

Michonne looked back over her shoulder and saw him standing there with the towel wrapped around his waist. His shirt, jeans, and boxers laid in a pile at his feet.

"I guess Carol didn't want to pick out any underwear for me," he said as he slid on the dry pair of jeans under the towel, "Won't be the first time I have to go without."

She smiled slightly at his attempted joke hoping it meant he was coming back from the brink. She watched as he slipped on the plaid shirt, but didn't button it. He sat on a folding chair to put his boots back on. He stopped with one boot in his hand and looked up at Michonne. His eyes had become glassy again.

"I really do love you. I need you to know that, but I understand why you don't want to talk about it, or say it back to me. I'm no good. Deanna said I lost my soul. I'm starting to believe her. The upstanding Sheriff from King's County would hate the man I've become."

Michonne walked over to him and kneeled down between his legs. She placed a hand over his heart. The iciness of his skin had started to dissipate leaving a slight warmth. "You still have your soul. I feel it right here."

He brushed one her dreads, that had escaped the ponytail, back behind her ear. "I don't deserve you. I'll hurt you too eventually."

She moved her hand to caress his cheek; brushing over the hair on his face. He closed his eyes to revel in the feel of her. "You're so much better than you know, Rick." They way he shook his head to deny her words caused a crack in her heart. Sadness radiated from every part of him. She leaned in a placed a soft kiss on his still cold lips wanting him to feel that she was still with him.

He clutched her free hand, tracing circles around each knuckle with his thumb. "Will you tell me about Andre?" He asked.

Michonne let out a deep exhale. She didn't talk about Andre. She told Carl about him, but didn't offer the full details of the pain and suffering she endured. But she and Rick were so much alike, always so in sync with each other; she knew telling him how she became okay would make him okay too.

"He was perfect," she started, "He was happy. Always smiling. He was the sweetest little boy you could meet. He was the light of my life, and I had to put him down. I had to put my sword through my baby boy's head." She paused to catch her breath. The weight of her words laid heavy on her as she relived the darkest point of her life. "I know what it's like to think you failed as a parent. When I was on my own I used to drive myself crazy with what I could have done differently. It took me awhile to realize that this world doesn't respect anyone. You can do everything right and still loose the people you love. That scares me to this day. It scares me to love you since we have so many people to keep safe. I didn't want anything to distract us."

Rick remained quiet watching as she got her thoughts together; knowing she needed to get this out uninterrupted.

"I used to be so mad at Mike," she went on, "Just going red with rage sometimes. I think that anger helped me survive out there for so long. But I realized that I can't blame him. None of us knew what was really happening. I can't be mad at those who couldn't adapt. He was so good to me; so good to Andre. I want to remember him that way. I want to remember how Andre used to squeal with glee when his father would spin him around in the air like he was Superman, "she smiled at the memory, "It still hurts. It will always hurt, but I know I'm okay now." She looked up to meet Rick's eyes. "You helped me be okay. I found a family to love again because of you. So don't you dare tell me you're not a good man."

Rick took the hand he was still clutching and pulled her from the kneeling position on to his lap. He buried his face into the crook of her neck. She felt so warm and safe he couldn't hold back anymore. His body shook as the tears flowed out of him. He cried for both his grief and hers. Michonne ran her hands through his still damp curls; soothing him, letting him get it all out. When he had no more tears left, he lifted his head. She wiped the moisture from his face. There was so much love in her eyes he had to lean in to give her a short and sweet kiss; taking comfort in the softness of her lips.

Michonne stood up, and wiped at her own eyes; not realizing she had been crying too. "Finish getting dressed. I think I can hear people talking in the front room. They may have some news on Carl's condition."

* * *

Rick held on to Michonne's hand like it was his lifeline as they made their way back to the waiting area. Craig and Rosita were just walking out the room where Carl laid; fighting for his life.

"Please tell me my son is okay." Rick said.

"Well there's good news and not good news," Craig said. "There's an exit wound so we don't have to do any surgery to get any fragments out of him. Rosita helped me clean the womb. The blood you gave for the transfusion helped. He may not need another one. Fortunately, we have a good supply of antibiotics. He's getting a steady drip of them from an IV. That will ward off any infections. Now the not so good news. It's not exactly bad news, but since he nearly drowned in the lake, a lot of water was able to get into his lungs before you pulled him out. I was able to suction out what I hope was all of it. There's no way of telling since we can't do an X-Ray. We just need to monitor him closely, and hope I was able to get it all."

Rick nodded and looked over at Michonne then back to Crag. "So you're telling me my son has a good chance of making it through this?"

"He does." Craig said. "You can go in and see him if you like."

Rick looked at Michonne again.

"You go ahead," she said. "I'm going to talk to Rosita then I'll come right in."

He squeezed her hand and walked into the room bracing himself to see his son laying unconscious.

Michonne waited until the door closed before turning to Rosita. "Did Abraham lock up Ron in one of the empty houses?"

"Yeah, it didn't take much work. Abe said the kid was pretty torn up by what he did. He confessed to stealing the gun from Rick's stash while everyone was distracted by the walker attack." She said.

Michonne sighed. "It's just a bad situation all around. I don't know how to fix this."

"Don't worry about it right now. Just be there for Rick and Carl."

Michonne nodded. "You're right."

"I'm going to go update everyone on Carl's condition." Rosita placed a comforting hand on Michonne's back before leaving.

"Is he really going to be okay?" She asked Craig once they were alone.

"I can't say with a hundred percent certainty, but he has a good chance, Chonney. I had to think back to all my training in med school and my internship. I hadn't worked with such a critical patient in awhile. We don't see much of this in dermatology. The doctor that was here before I arrived had a lot of medical books so I'm going to read up on flushing water out of the lungs. I'm going to do everything I can for Carl. I promise. I see how much he means to you. How much Rick means to you."

"They're my family." Michonne said.

"So go in there and be with them."

Michonne wrapped her arms around Craig. "Thank you," she said, "For everything. You're family too."

He hugged her back. "Like a brother, right." He asked with a sad smile.

She kissed him on the cheek. "You know I always wanted a brother."

* * *

Carl looked so small and pale lying in the hospital bed. Bandages covered his chest. The scar from his last bout with a bullet could be seen just below. Rick sat in one of the chairs staring intently at his son.

Michonne walked up to the bed and placed a kiss of Carl's forehead. "You have to wake up soon, kid. We never did get to talk about those new comics you had. We have to read them to Judy. She loves that. Especially when you change your voice for the different characters." She smoothed his hair from his head. "We need you. You can't leave us. I'm not going to allow it, and you know you always have to listen to what I say." She watched as his chest moved up and down in shallow breaths. She stood over him for awhile hoping for a miracle.

Eventually she took a seat in the chair next to Rick. Their hands silently found each other again as they willed and waited for their boy to open his eyes.

* * *

**A/N – I hope too many of you don't hate me for the chapter before this one. Sorry to go all GRRM on you. Thanks again for the feedback. I appreciate it so much.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Just a quick note to tell you all I made a username change. I went from blackwomanwriter to blacklitchick to match the name of my tumblr page. I'm so glad so many of you enjoyed the last chapter. Thank you for reading!**

* * *

**I.  
**

"He's a fuckin' kid. Ain't like we can just put a bullet in his head." Daryl leveled his squinty-eyed stare at Carol.

"I'm not about to walk in there and pull out my gun, but we need to think about our options. He shot Carl. He's a danger." Carol crossed her arms but didn't meet Daryl's gaze. What she had to do to Lizzie followed Tyreese to his grave, and she planned on the deed being buried at her final resting spot also. She didn't know if anyone would understand how dangerous the girl was if they hadn't experienced it themselves. Her and Daryl were already on shaky ground lately. They didn't need anything else impeding on their relationship.

"If Nicholas was just released after what he did to Glenn then Deanna ain't gonna put no kid out on the street." He said.

"Well something needs to be done."

"We wait for Rick. We do what he says we do." Daryl scratched at the hair that grew wildly on his chin.

"Rick is at Carl's bedside day and night. Besides if Carl doesn't recover, what Rick are we going to get? You remember what he was like after Lori."

"Yeah, but Michonne ain't gonna to let him loose it again. She got this."

"Speaking of which..." Carol gestured with her chin as Michonne crossed the street and made her way over to where they stood in front of the house being used as Ron's holding cell.

"Hey guys. What's going on?" Michonne said.

"Jessie and Sam are inside visiting Ron. We're just out here to give them some privacy." Carol said.

"And to make sure the lil' gun slinger don't try to get away." Daryl said.

Michonne put a hand on the back of her neck and shook her head. "I still don't know what we should do with him. We can't exile a kid, but I don't feel comfortable with him walking around free either."

"That's just what we were talking about." Carol said. "Do you think Rick is up to giving his two cents on what should be done?"

Michonne shook her head again. "I don't think he's mentally ready for that just yet. Ron's secured in that house. That's going to have to do for now."

"We got other things to worry 'bout anyway." Daryl said. "What happened the other night wasn't no coincidence. We need to find out who set those walkers on us. Me and Aaron goin' to go out and do some investigating 'round the area today."

"Sounds good. We never had that meeting to strategize. Why don't we all meet at our house this evening. Think you guys will be back by then?" Michonne asked Daryl.

"Should be."

"You be careful out there." Carol said to him.

Daryl hit her shoulder with his. Some of their old playfulness was slowly coming back. "Yeah."

Just then Jessie walked out of the house. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days. The blonde woman was wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans a size too big.

Sam jetted out behind her to run down the porch steps to Carol. He threw his small arms around her and rested his head on her stomach. She rubbed his hair and smiled down at him. Try as she might, she couldn't resist taking care of hurting children.

Daryl quickly went up to the front door and locked the outside deadbolt making sure their young prisoner was securely inside.

"Hey Michonne," Jessie said meekly, "Carol, he enjoyed the food you made for him."

"Good." said Carol.

"Mom, can I go with Carol?" Sam asked.

Jessie looked down feeling the pain once again of her child reaching out to another woman. "Sure. If it's okay with Ms. Peletier."

"Come on. Let's go make cookies." Carol and Sam made their way down the street. Daryl gave Michonne a single nod and walked in the opposite direction leaving the two ladies alone.

Jessie sat down on the top porch step. Michonne continued to stand with one foot resting on the bottom step and hand on her hip.

"How's Carl doing?" Jessie asked.

"About the same. We're just in a waiting game right now." Michonne said.

"I thought about visiting to show Rick my support, but I don't think he'd want to see me. He probably hates me for what Ron did."

"Rick doesn't have time to hate anyone right now. All of his energy is on Carl."

Jessie looked down. When she looked back up at Michonne tears were gathered in her eyes. "Rick's a really good guy."

"He is." said Michonne

"Ron told me," Jessie paused not sure if she should tell Michonne what was on her mind. It felt silly to admit given their current circumstances, "He told me he saw you and Rick kissing at the dinner party after all of the drama. Are you two...? I don't know what I'm saying. I'm rambling now."

"Is this what you really want to be focused on right now?" Michonne asked.

Jessie shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I know it shouldn't be, but he was just always so nice to me from the first time I met him. I hadn't ever really experienced that. My family was never very supportive. They thought I should suck up the abuse and be grateful I was married to a doctor. Pete had alienated me from all of my friends. Deanna turned a blind eye. So Rick was...he was like my savior. I thought we could have something. I guess it's just hard to give up that fantasy even after he rejected my kiss," she said quietly, "But no, you're right. I need to focus on my kids. Do you know what they're going to do to Ron? I tried going to Deanna, but she refuses to see anyone."

Michonne looked at Jessie with sympathy. She couldn't imagine going through the abuse she endured for years. "I don't know, but we aren't going to kick out a kid. Something will be done though. Ron may not have his freedom for awhile."

"As long as he's alive then we can deal with anything."

Michonne nodded and looked away from her._ Carl is alive too, but for how much longer._ She quickly banished that thought from her mind. "Yes, you are very fortunate to have both of your children alive and healthy."

Jessie started to stammer out an apology when she realized what she said. "I mean Carl will be okay too. I'm sure of it."

"Yeah, he will be." Michonne said. "Take care of yourself, Jessie." She turned to walk away.

"Wait," Jessie said. Michonne turned back around waiting for her to speak up. The woman suddenly seemed hesitant.

"Yes?" Michonne asked.

"Tell Rick...just tell him I'm sorry."

"I will." Michonne said before leaving the woman on the porch.

* * *

**II.**

"Remember your eighth birthday party we had at _The Party Palace?_ I swear that restaurant was around when I was a kid, and old man Johnson still ran the place. The kids always loved it though. You were having a blast with all of your friends. I think your mom had to take a couple extra strength aspirin that night. All of the noise from the games and the kids drove her crazy, but you couldn't tell because she was just happy you were happy..."

Deanna felt guilty listening to Rick talk to his still unconscious son in his private moment of reminiscing, but she didn't want to interrupt. When there was a pause she knocked lightly on the half-opened door. Rick turned in his chair to see Deanna looking apprehensive. He gave a quick look over to Carl and then rose and met her at the door.

"Deanna." He said. He noticed she was looking more like herself dressed in a nice blouse and slacks. Her hair was neatly styled.

"Hello Rick. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's fine."

"I wanted to come back to see how Carl is doing."

"No change."

"No parent should have to see their child this way." She sighed. Her voice was starting to come out shaky as she held back her tears. "I need to apologize to you Rick. I made a grave mistake in not listening to you about keeping the community safe. I'm sorry your son had to pay the price for my stubbornness."

Rick softened the hard stare he was giving the woman. "Nobody would have guessed this would have happened. I have to take my part in creating this too. It's not all on you."

"When you're ready I want to discuss how we can make the community safer. I'm no longer fit to run the community. At least not on my own. I need your help, Rick."

"You have it." Rick said. "Me, Michonne, and everyone else will work our damnest to protect what we have here." He paused before continuing. "I'm sorry about Aiden and Reg. I don't think I ever gave you my condolences. You've been through a lot too."

"I thought I had everything all figured out. We had deaths here and there, but I didn't think this type of tragedy will ever hit my family. My hubris cost half my family their lives."

"I know something about living with guilt and being haunted by the dead. It can slowly eat away at you if you let it."

"I'm going to use this grief to fuel change. Hopefully we can prevent anything this from happening again." Deanna hesitantly placed a comforting hand on Rick's arm before leaving.

Rick looked back into the room hoping to see his son's eyes open and looking at him, but Carl was still in his ongoing slumber. He walked over to the coffee pot sitting on a single portable burner. There were a few packets of sugar and Sweet N' Low spread around, but he just took the coffee black. He turned to see Craig walking down the hallway with a book in his hand.

"No change?" Craig asked as he poured himself the last of the coffee in the pot.

"No change." Rick confirmed. "I want to thank you for all you're doing to save Carl. I see you in here working tirelessly. I appreciate it more than you know. I just..." Rick shook his head.

"You just don't know why he won't wake up. I know but all of his vitals look good. Sometimes when our bodies experience this type of trauma it goes into hibernation to rest and rehabilitate. Michonne told me you know something about that."

Rick leaned against the counter. "Yeah like father, like son. I wish head hand matching Little League trophies in common instead of bullet wounds."

Craig studied the man in front on him taking in the bags under his eyes, his wrinkled clothes, and how his eyes kept darting to where he son laid. "When I first arrived at this community I didn't like you much, and I'm damn sure you didn't like me either."

Rick smirked. "Well I don't like most people at first. Don't take it personal."

"Michonne told me that also. You two seem to be of one mind sometimes."

"Fortunately her mind takes over more than mine. I don't know what I'd do without her." Rick said. He almost shuddered at the thought of Michonne not being by his side.

Craig was struck by the sincerity in the Rick's voice. "I used to think that too. Then she dumped me. I moved on. Had other meaningful relationships, but part of me always thought about what it would have been like if we'd stayed together. A part of me always loved her. Probably always will. She has that effect on you. She's special."

"That she is." Rick said. "She says you're a good guy, and I've witnessed it here myself." Rick held out his hand. "Welcome to our team."

Craig looked at Rick's outstretched arm then back into his eyes. "You treat her right."

"If I don't she'll be the first one to kick my ass. Trust me." Rick said as the two men shook hands.

* * *

**III.**

Rick walked outside to get some air. He sipped his coffee and looked at the walls around the community. The walls that were supposedly fit to keep his family safe. He was so lost in thought he jumped slightly when he felt a hand touching his shoulder. Turning around quickly, on alert, his warrior stance softened when he saw Michonne standing next to him. His arm instantly slid around her waist as she leaned into him. Since the talk they had days earlier a deeper intimacy had developed between them.

"Where did you get coffee? I was craving some this morning, but we didn't have any at home." She said.

Rick wordlessly handed her his cup. He watched as she sipped and savored the warm liquid before handing it back to him.

She took in his profile noticing his hair was graying at the temples. "Jessie wanted me to tell you she's sorry." She said.

Rick just looked over at Michonne, nodded, and turned his attention back to the wall.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked

"I'm wondering how long those walls will keep us safe. They're not going to keep anyone out who really wants to get in here." He said.

"No they won't." Michonne agreed. "Like I told you before, something's going to happen. We just need to be prepared. Re-creating some of the protective provisions like we had around the perimeter of the prison would be a good start."

"Deanna came by to see me. I think she's finally seeing things our way. Maybe we can save this place."

"I scheduled a strategy session at our house this evening."

"You want me there?" Rick asked her.

"No, you stay here with Carl. I can handle it."

"Okay." He said softly grateful she was there to take care of things when he couldn't. "Can I share something crazy with you?" He asked

She pushed back some of his unruly curls that had escaped to his forehead. "Who else can you share your crazy with?"

He smiled before quickly looking serious again. "I sometimes miss it out there. Still. Being out there so long changed me. I absorbed some of the wildness. I can't turn off that animal instinct."

"Human instinct and animal instinct are one in the same. We're back to being the animals we were always meant to be. The modern world just had us domesticated for awhile."

"So we're all just animals now, huh?"

"We can be civilized animals." Michonne growled and made a clawing motion with her hand.

Rick laughed slightly and leaned over to kiss her on the nose. She rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to look at the wall.

"I've been thinking," Rick said breaking the silence, "About how could I go on if Carl doesn't make it." Admitting Carl may not wake up almost left him breathless.

"Carl's going to –"

Rick raised his head to stop what Michonne was going to say. "I know neither one of us want to admit it, but there's a chance that our boy is gone."

Michonne's gaze focused on the cracks in the cement on the sidewalk as a single tear flowed from her eye. Rick was right. She couldn't think about a scenario with Carl not being okay.

"But I have to go on," he continued. "Judith needs her father."

Michonne untangled herself from Rick's embrace and stood in front of him. "I need you too."

"The reverse is more true." He said reaching out to grip her waist with his hands.

"Stop downplaying your worth, Rick." She took a tiny step forward so there was no room between them. "I need you. I love you."

Rick shook his head almost not believing he was hearing those three words coming from her mouth. He dreamed about them, longed to hear them, before he even admitted to himself how he felt. The reality of having Michonne's love was enough to knock him off of his feet. He pressed his forehead against hers before finding her lips and kissing her deeply. The warmth of her body felt right at home so close to his. Michonne broke the kiss first and rested her head on his chest. Rick curled one of her dreads around his finger while making circles on her back with his other hand. The two of them stood in an embrace until they heard shouting behind them.

"Rick!" Craig came running out of the infirmary. "Great Michonne you're here too. Both of you come quick."

Rick and Michonne ran into the building fearing the worst. Both came to a halt at the entrance of the room when they saw bright blue eyes staring out at them. They looked at each other with tears streaking down their faces. Rick made his way to the bed first. He gently held Carl's hand in his.

"Dad. You're here." Carl's voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

"Hey, son. I wouldn't be anywhere else." Rick felt like he was about to burst with the happiness he was feeling. He placed a kiss on Carl's hand.

Carl turned to look at Michonne who stood on the opposite side of the bed holding on to his other hand.

"Hey Michonne."Carl smiled as brightly as he could at her.

"Hey kid. You gave us quite the scare." Michonne said while laughing and crying. She was so overjoyed her boy was back.

"Sorry about that." He broke out into a cough. His throat was dry from being unconscious for so long. Craig poured him a cup of water and helped him drink the liquid.

"Nothing to be sorry about." Rick said once Carl was lying back comfortably on the bed again. "We're just glad you're back with us."

"Hey Dad?" Carl said.

"What is it, Carl?"

"I have one up on you."

"How's that?"

"You only survived only one gunshot wound. I survived two."

Rick laughed through his tears. "You got me there, son."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: There 's a comic book spoiler in this chapter that I remixed to fit my story. It hasn't happened on the show yet. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**I.**

Michonne sat on the hard folding chair sipping the cup of coffee Rick had somehow procured for her from Olivia's dwindling stash. The sun had set ten minutes ago, but she wouldn't be going to bed anytime soon. Her night would be spent patrolling the community. She wanted to pay special attention to the perimeter. Daryl and Aaron had found no other evidence of foul play out there, but her gut told her something was coming and it wouldn't be good.

She pulled the over-sized plaid shirt of Rick's tighter around her body. The wind had picked up so she doubted the garment would be able to keep her warm for much longer, but she didn't wanted to feel constricted by a bulky coat. The katana was strapped to her back just like the old days. Her leather boot grazed back and forth against the concrete. The cool demeanor she normally wore was battling the nervous, restless energy in her soul. She didn't know why these things always started at night, but she was ready to get it over with.

"Hey." Rick walked into the area and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting in the chair next to hers. "Are we really the first ones here?" He asked.

"Looks like it," she said. "How was the afternoon watch?"

"Quiet," he said as he nervously started to bounce his leg, "but that doesn't feel right."

"Something's coming"

"Something not good."

Michonne placed her hand on his leg to stop the bouncing. Both of them didn't need to be so wound up. She looked over her shoulder to see Jessie and Sam walk into Deanna's courtyard. The blonde woman gave the pair an awkward wave before sitting on the opposite side. Rick looked at his watch to avoid Jessie's gaze. He still didn't feel completely comfortable around her anymore. From killing her husband, to their awkward non-kiss to the fact her son tried to kill him and shot Carl in the process, it felt weird being around her.

"Looks like we'll get started soon," Michonne said.

Rick turned to see what had caught Michonne's attention. He was shocked by the jolt of hate that immediately hit his heart at the sight of Ron. Mentally he knew Ron was just a confused kid who regretted what he did, but it was hard to rectify that with the images of his son getting shot and almost drowning. He took a deep breath and looked to the sky to try to calm himself down. He was losing the battle until he felt a cool hand wrap around his. Michonne squeezed tightly. He took one more deep breath and nodded letting her know he was okay.

Soon the rest of the community started pouring in. Carol took a seat next to Michonne. Glenn, Tara, and Rosita stood near the entrance with Morgan and Aaron.

Deanna walked out with Maggie and Spencer at her sides. The mummer of voices fell silent. "Thank you all for coming out tonight. I'm sorry that lately we only all get together to discuss tragedy, but that's the world we live in today."

"It wasn't our world until Grimes and his people got here." Tobin said.

"Now is not the time-" Deanna started.

Nicholas stood up from where he was sitting in the corner. "Aiden and Reg and Pete would all still be alive if Rick never showed up."

"That's a pretty bold statement coming from the man who was just released from house arrest for shooting Glenn. And did you forget Noah's dead because you're such a coward?" Tara shouted back.

"Hold up everyone. Just stop." Maggie stood in front of all that were gathered. "We all need to calm down, and stick to discussing what we came here for. This is not the time to air your grievances."

"Then when can we talk about what's going on?" Tobin asked. He was getting so angry his skin took on a red hue. "Kids are shooting kids. We have those undead things invading where we live. And supposedly someone or something is luring them to us. My family is scared. Hell, I'm scared Deanna always promised to keep us safe. We are not safe."

"Where the fuck have you been the last two years?" Abraham asked. He stood directly in front of Tobin and crossed his arms behind his back in a soldier's stance. "There's not one inch of safe space left on this gotdamn disease affected planet. You son of bitches are living in fucking la la land if you think the reason this place is under siege is because of Rick and the rest of us. There are more walkers out there than people. And with the people that are left every sick motherfucker is trying to be the top dog and conquer the rest of the living. Thank your lucky stars that we're here to give you people a fucking clue."

"I'm just trying to keep my family safe." Most of the bite had left Tobin's voice as Abraham continued to stand before him.

"Nobody came to hear that shit, man." Daryl said.

Michonne leaned over to whisper to Rick. "This is like déjà-vu. Tobin was arguing the same thing when Deanna called the meeting to decide if she wanted to exile you."

Rick scoffed and shook his head. "Fucking clueless..." He trailed off when he saw Morgan walk to the front. His forehead creased in worry. Him and Morgan weren't exactly on the same wavelength lately. The man could start joining in on the chorus of grievances for all Rick knew. "What's this about?" He whispered to Michonne

"Maybe he'll surprise you," She whispered back.

"Everyone," Morgan said, "please remember I just came from living outside of those gates. I trekked from Georgia to here. As did Rick and his people. And I while I wouldn't have used the same language my red-headed friend, Abe, is absolutely right. No place is truly safe. Some are just safer than others. Even though our philosophies may differ now Rick Grimes saved my life, and he's a good man. It'll do you all some good to listen to him."

Rick looked down impressed and touched by the words of his friend. He looked over to Michonne and she mouthed the words _told you_ to him.

"And if we don't what will he do? Shoot us like he did Pete?" Someone shouted from the back.

"Okay that is enough!" Deanna stood up from her the chair she was sitting on. "We are here to talk about the punishment for Ron Anderson." She turned towards Jessie. "I know he's your son, and I know you love him, but he didn't something very wrong. He has to be punished. He's going to be on house arrest for the unforeseeable future. We will revisit the sentence every three to six months." She turned towards Ron. "Young man I can see the regret and remorse all over your face. We are all very fortunate you did not kill Carl Grimes. I hope during your time locked up you will continue to reflect on what you did wrong. Take this time to grow as a person. You did a bad thing, but I do not believe you're a bad person. I believe one day you will again be a valuable member of this community. "

Ron looked to his mother with tears in his eyes then back at Deanna and nodded. "I will try." He stood up and looked Rick in the eyes. "I'm sorry. Please tell Carl I'm sorry too. I never meant for any of this to happen."

Rick gave the teen a single nod not trusting himself to speak.

"As for the rest of you," Deanna continued, "I know many of you are wondering why I'm locking up Ron for attempted murder while I let Rick roam free. He killed Pete on my orders. The man was a menace and none of us were safe with him around. Rick is now helping me run this place because he knows a hell of a lot more about this world than I do. We listen to what he tells us and if you don't like it please feel free to leave Alexandrian and try to make it on your own. With that this meeting is adjourned."

* * *

**II.**

Rick let out a frustrated breath as he watched the display of people before him. He walked back and forth with his hand resting on the butt of his gun. The sun shined brightly on the group of people lined up just outside the walls of Alexandria. Each had a gun in their hands. Most didn't know what to do with the weapons. Mandatory training started two weeks ago and the residents looked no better at handling firearms than they did at the start.

Rick wiped hastily at a bead of sweat running down his forehead. His frustration was almost at the boiling point.

Michonne smiled as she watched Rick snatch a gun out of the hand of a man she didn't recognize to show him how to properly load the ammo. Even from her place in the watchtower she could feel his irritation. She understood his feelings since the knife and hand-to-hand combat class she'd been teaching with Abraham had similar results. Rick looked up at the tower. She wasn't sure if he could see her, but she gave him a reassuring wave just the same. Looking out of the scope of her rifle, she surveyed the area. There hadn't been any walkers on her watch. They'd cleared out a bunch days ago, and only seen stranglers here and there since.

She saw a miniature version of Carl, walking through the gates and making his way towards the tower, through her scope. She gave a quick look over her shoulder when she heard his footsteps stop at the top of the stairs.

"Hey kid," she said before putting her focus back on the land below.

"Hey, Michonne." He walked over to stand next to her to look out of the window. "Dad's really being hard on them."

Michonne nodded. "That he is. But he's trying to save their lives."

"He told me this morning he was going to try to be more patient with everyone, but I don't think it's working for him."

Michonne tilted her hand to side and back upright reminiscent of Rick's quirk. "Your Dad's way with people could certainly be more...let's say refined." She allowed herself to take some attention away from keeping watch to look closer at Carl. He was thin and pale. "How are you feeling? You sure you should be up?"

Carl kept his focus outside on the gun training. "Michonne, I'm fine. I couldn't spend another second cooped up in that house. When Carol came by to watch Judith I made a mad dash out of the door."

Michonne shook her head. "Does Carol know you're gone?"

"I told her I was leaving then ran out before she could stop me."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"You can tell Dad that I should be helping him out there." He grabbed the butt of the gun hanging from the holster on his waist. "I'm one of the best shooters he has."

"You are but not yet, kid. We have to think about your health. Craig says you still have some healing to do. Just wait a couple more weeks, okay?"

"Who knows what will happen in a couple of weeks. The Wolves and whatever else could be on top of us by then." Carl turned his back to the window and faced Michonne.

"And if they are we will handle it. Your Dad knows what he's doing. I know what I'm doing. We're going to be alright." Michonne knew of and understood his deep-seated need to help others and to feel like he's contributing to the safety of all, but she wasn't going to let him risk his health.

Carl looked back out of the window to watch as both his Dad and Sasha tried to get Olivia to hold her gun properly. "It's kinda amazing how you always have so much faith in Dad."

Michonne raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course I have faith in Rick. Don't you?"

"I do, but he goes a little crazy sometimes." He shrugged his shoulders. "I mean the whole thing with Jessie and killing Pete." He shook his head and looked away from Michonne's probing gaze. "Never mind."

Michonne gave a look around the perimeter of the community to make sure it was still safe for Rick and everyone to be out there before turning her attention back to Carl. "Talk to me. There's something on your mind. You know you can tell me anything."

Carl sighed but stayed quiet trying to his words together. "You know how much I love Dad. He's my hero. Everything he does is to protect us. Pete was dangerous and he had to kill him. But that thing he had for Jessie was weird. If he hadn't had that obsession then maybe..."

"Maybe you wouldn't have gotten shot." Michonne finished for him.

"Yeah," he said with his head down. "With all that Dad has done for me I don't mean to sound like a whiny kid, but I've spent the last couple of weeks juggling feeling grateful for him and angry that he went too far again."

"It's okay to be mad. I knocked him out. Mostly because I was trying to save him from himself, but I was mad as hell at him too. It doesn't mean you don't love him. It doesn't take away his hero status either. He's human. He's going to make mistakes and it's okay to call him out when he does. Besides getting shot makes all of the anger come out of you. Trust me I know."

Carl graced her with a small smile. "Yeah it does. I was even mad at the time when I was eight and he wouldn't buy me the new Batman comic because he said I was too young." Both of them broke out into a laugh.

Once they quieted down, Michonne place her free hand on Carl's shoulder "You should talk to you Dad. Tell him how you feel."

He shook his head. "I don't want to hurt him."

"The thing with your father is that no matter how mad you are at him he's about a hundred times madder at himself. Both of you are carrying around guilt, anger, and pain. Talk it out. It'll make your relationship even stronger."

"He'll think I'm just a whiny kid."

"You know your father better than that. He won't. He loves you more than anything. He'll listen to you. He respects you."

"Okay, I'll talk to him." He leaned against Michonne and laid his head on her shoulder.

She rubbed his head. "Feeling tired?"

"Yeah a little. Don't say I told you so."

"I won't. I'll just think it." She smiled down at him. "My shift will be up soon. When Sasha comes to relieve me we'll go home and I'll make you some dinner."

Carl closed his eyes with his head still resting on Michonne's shoulder. "When I used to get sick Mom would make me grilled cheese and tomato soup."

She smiled "Andre loved my mom's homemade tomato soup. He would have to eat at least two bowls."

"Mom's was from a can, but I still loved it."

Michonne brushed his ever growing hair out of his face. "You miss her a lot."

Carl nodded his head. "I do. She would have liked you."

"Why do you say that?" Michonne voice was tinged with surprise. She never thought about how Lori would feel about her.

"You love me and Judith as if we were yours. She would appreciate that. I almost think she sent you to us. You showed up at the prison the day after she died. It doesn't seem like a coincidence. Maybe Andre sent you to us too because he knew you needed another family."

Michonne fought to keep the threatening tears at bay. "That's a beautiful way of seeing things."

"I think she sent you not just for me and Judith, but for Dad too. She knew he wouldn't handle her death well." He paused. "I saw Dad come out of your room last night."

"I see," said Michonne. She was treading carefully.

"I wasn't spying or anything. I was just up getting a glass of water and saw him leave your room and go back into his. You guys seem closer than before I was shot."

"Are you okay with us growing closer?" As much as she loved Rick she didn't want to do anything that could cause Carl any pain.

"Dad needs you. You need him. I'm glad you guys are together." He lifted his head from Michonne's shoulder and looked at her. "If you two are together."

She ruffled his hair and smiled at him. "We're working on it."

"Good. One of the things I was getting angry about before was the picture of Mom that was lost at the prison. I was angry Judith will never know how she looked. I'm scared one day I'll forget, but we both have you now. That helps take away the sadness and anger. I hope we're able to help you in the same way. Take some of the pain away from losing Mike and Andre."

Michonne could no longer keep the tears from falling. She hugged the boy she considered her son. "You do, kid. You all really, really do."

* * *

**III.**

Gun training was over for the day. The group of Alexandrians headed back home. Michonne and Carl met Sasha at the entrance of the watchtower for the changing of shifts with a promise to return soon with dinner for her. Michonne lead Carl back to the front gate of the community. With both her rifle and the katana strapped to her she kept careful watch for any trouble. Carl did the same with his hand on his pistol ready at any moment to pull it out if need be.

Rick was waiting for them at the gate with a frown on his face. "What are you doing out of bed?" He asked Carl.

"Those four walls in that house were driving me crazy. I had to get out." Carl said.

"Just be grateful we have those walls." Rick put his arms around Carl's shoulders. "Wasn't always the case. Might not always be the case."

"I know Dad. I'm grateful. I am. Umm can we talk later?"

Rick's frowned deepened. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. It's just we haven't had a talk in awhile..."

Rick looked over to Michonne, but she just shrugged her shoulders knowing it was Carl's place to explain to his father what he was feeling. "Okay, just let me check in with Deanna, and we can talk either before or after dinner."

"Sounds good. I see you guys back at the house." Carl walked on ahead on them.

Rick and Michonne strolled together leisurely not wanting to part ways immediately since they hadn't see much of each other that day. "What was that about?" Rick asked her.

"Maybe your kid just wants to talk. But whatever he says just listen. Take in what he's trying to tell you."

"So you do know what's this is about."

Michonne mimed zipping her lip and throwing away the key. Rick smiled at her grateful with all that with all that was going on they still could be playful with each other. He noticed she was wearing his black and white plaid shirt.

"So you're just wearing all my clothes now?" He asked

"Your shirts are comfy." Michonne said while wrapping it tightly around her.

"I only have four shirts, and you keep stealing them from me. That one is my favorite."

"Sorry." She said with a faux pout.

He stopped walking and faced her. "Now you're not playing fair. How can I resist that face?" He pretended he was thinking it over. "I guess it's okay for you to keep the shirt even though it's my favorite since you're my favorite too."

Michonne laughed. "God, Rick. That was so corny."

"I know. I felt the schmaltz as it left my lips, but I just went with-"

A loud gunshot cut through the air. Everyone in the streets of Alexandria froze; too scared to know what to do.

"Do you think that was Sasha?" Michonne asked.

"Couldn't be. Her gun has the silencer. Go get Abraham, Daryl, and Rosita and try to get over the walls to sneak around whoever is at the gate. I'll go to the front to distract them." Michonne nodded and they gave each other a look that said _be careful_ and _come back to me._

Rick motioned for the people on the street to go into their homes before heading to the front entrance. Spencer was on the ground trying to stand up after being hit in the head by a rock. A strange, bald man with a "W" carved onto his forehead was smirking at them from just beyond the locked gate.

"Okay you got our attention," Rick said. "What can we do for you?"

"Isn't obvious?" Asked the strange man with the raspy voice. "Little pig, little pig, let me in."

Rick did his signature head tilt and smiled menacingly at the man. "Well it's cute that you're introducing yourself with nursery rhymes, but that's not how things work in here."

"Oh, I think how things work around here are about to change. You people seem like a formidable group. My little roamers present didn't faze you all much. I'm impressed."

"So it was you who lead the walkers to our homes."

"Just trying to play a little game with you. I bore so easily. Not much fun to be had anymore. I take what I can get." The man carried no visible weapons. He stuck his hands into his pockets. Rick stayed in a causal stance, but he was watching the man closely for any sudden movements.

"Well whatever game you're playing won't get you in here. We have rules and protocols to keep the danger out. You seem like a whole lot of danger."

"Little ol' me? You flatter." The stranger chuckled. "Of course I have more men stashed here and there so it'll be in your best interest to let us in. Or else something very bad will happen to you."

"Is that so?" Rick said with his own humorless chuckle.

"If you will please look down on your chest for the tiny red dot. You see I have a sniper hidden away. With one, single raise of my hand you're a dead man. If you lift up your weapon you're a dead man. This is a loose- loose situation for you. You might as well open the gate and try to spare you life a little longer."

"I don't think so. I'm not going to let you in. I'm not going to let your friends in. You're going to turn around and walk away before I kill you. Or I just might kill you right now."

"Big threats from a man seconds away from death. It was nice knowing you." The man raised his hand. A single shot rang out, but Rick was still standing. His smile mimicked that of an animal knowing the swift demise of his prey would soon come. Behind the strange man Abraham, Daryl, Rosita and Michonne crept up with captured members of the group. The men all had "W's" carved onto their foreheads.

"Looks like my sniper took out your sniper." Rick raised his gun and started shooting.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: We have reached the end. We've finally made it. The final chapter in finding love in the new world. I can't begin to thank everyone for all of the wonderful comments. Your kind words were such a huge motivation for me to finish this story. This is the first multi-chapter fic I've finished. It's been a wonderful experience, and I can't wait to write the next one. I have another idea taking seed in my head and hope to begin it in the next couple of weeks. Thank you all so much, again. I hope you enjoy!**

**Also, a spoiler warning: This chapter features a character that's in the comics, but hasn't made it onto the show yet.**

* * *

**I.**

Rick leaned back on the couch and stretched his feet out onto the coffee table. He took a large sip from his beer and looked around the living room. The day had been long and it felt good to relax in his home. If he closed his eyes he could pretend it was three years ago, and he'd just gotten home from working a night shift with Shane. He could imagine Lori and Carl were asleep, and he would soon climb into bed himself.

But that wasn't reality.

Reality was he'd spent all day burning walker bodies, reinforcing the gate, and getting other safety measures together to ensure the protection of the community. Carl was upstairs sleeping, but there was no Lori. He had his baby girl was up there safe and sound though.

And his Michonne.

He was rougher around the edges and sadder than he'd been three years ago, but he loved all of the people under that roof as fiercely as he had in the past.

He took his feet down before placing the half-full bottle of beer on the table. Two-year old beer didn't taste as good as it did a few weeks ago. His body ached as he stood to his feet. It was the result of a hard day's work and just old age. Almost tripping on one of Judith's toys on his way to the window made him smile. He loved the fact his daughter actually had toys to play with. In this world he had learned to be grateful for the little things.

The streets of Alexandria were quiet at this time of night as usual. It was both appreciated and hated by him. He didn't know if the call of the wild would ever leave, but he knew he could tame it.

"You see something out there?" Rick watched the reflection of Carl walk down the stairs through the living room window. He almost looked like a ghost. Those were the types of thoughts he wished he could exile from his brain, but thinking the worst was almost a full time job for him at this point.

"Just taking in the quiet," he said to his son. "I'm still not completely used to it." Rick walked back to the couch and beckoned for Carl to join him.

"I know," said the teen as he sat down. "Almost feels like we're back in King's County sometimes."

"I was thinking about those days earlier," Rick said. He took in his son's new haircut, given to him by Michonne, and the redness of his cheeks from being in the sun most of the day. It had been almost a month since he took a bullet, and Carl was finally starting to look more like himself.

"You miss it?" asked Carl. He played with a thread that was unraveling on his pajama bottoms while he waited for Rick to answer.

"I miss the world being simple." Rick leaned back again placing his hands behind his head.

"Do you miss mom?"

Rick looked over to his son. The boy was watching him closely. He started to wonder if this was what he wanted to talk about a couple of weeks ago before they were visited by the Wolves. "I do. Your mother was a good woman. We had a lot of good years together. It pains me that she will never see you and Judith grow up."

"So you wish she was still here?" Carl probed further.

"Of course I do."

"Then what about Michonne?"

Rick moved to the edge of the couch and turned his body towards his son. He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands. "What's going on, Carl? Why all of the questions about your mom and Michonne?"

Carl angled his body to mimic his father's position on the couch. "It's pretty obvious how much you care about Michonne. I know you and Mom weren't getting along before she died. Do you think you would still be with Michonne if she lived?"

Rick blew out a breath at the heaviness of the question. Since he admitted to himself his feelings for Michonne he had thought a lot about Lori and where they were right before she died. As much he wanted Lori to still be alive; he wanted Michonne by his side as well. "I can't really answer that, Carl. There's no way of knowing what would have happened if she lived. You're right about us not being in a good place, but that could have changed. Or we could have learned to live just as friends while we took care of you and Judith."

Carl stood up and walked to the window standing in the same position he found his father in earlier. He looked up to the night sky, but didn't see any stars; just clouds. He couldn't wait until Judith was older so he could show her the big dipper and little dipper and other constellations like Lori used to do with him. "I get it, I guess," he finally said. "It's just that I want Mom to still be here, but I wouldn't want anything about my relationship with Michonne to change. I don't want to choose between the two of them."

Rick a smiled little sadly at both of them having the same thoughts about Lori and Michonne being in their lives. He was reminded daily how much like him Carl was becoming. It scared the hell out of him. "What Michonne has done for us...well we wouldn't be here if she hadn't showed up at the prison. Loving her comes so naturally to the both of us. Judith too. I can't imagine missing out on that. We can't look to the past for what ifs. It does us no good. We have to focus on the present to ensure our future."

Carl took his focus from the sky and faced his father again. "Are you going to start taking your own advice now?"

"Come again, son?" Rick was taken aback by the thinly veiled contempt in his son's voice.

"I don't think you always take your own advice. Whatever that was between you and Jessie was pretty crazy. I think she brought back to past to you. Our past. It's like you thought...I don't know...that maybe you thought Jessie was Mom for awhile. I mean not really thinking she was Mom, but the memories she brought back caused you to fixate on her or something." He let out a breath relieved to finally say the words he'd been holding back from his father.

Rick reached for his stale beer and took a drink. He was proud at his son for expressing his feelings, and also ashamed that the boy could read his lost of sanity so well. "In a way, yes. She did remind me of the simpler times. Times with your mother. How she always wanted to live in a place like this. I wanted a second chance. I wanted to make amends for Lori's death."

"I used to blame you for her death. I blamed myself too. I wished I had been nicer to her before she died."

"I do too." Rick said. His heart weighed heavier the more this conversation went on. He wanted nothing more to end it now and run upstairs to the sanctuary that was now his and Michonne's bedroom, but he knew Carl needed to keep going. He knew he needed this catharsis.

"I was just so mad at her. It's funny because I can barely remember why now. I think it had something to do with what went down with Shane, and how she treated you after. It all seems so dumb to me now. That I wasted so many months not being the son she needed me to be. And in these last few weeks I've been just as angry at you. Maybe more. Every time I take a breath and my lungs hurt a little. Or every time I moved in the wrong direction and I felt a throb in my chest I became angrier. My mind kept coming back to if you hadn't been so obsessed with Jessie the chain of events that led to me getting shot wouldn't have happened."

Rick hung his head down and wiped at his eyes; feel the stinging sensation of tears starting to develop. "I've thought about that every day since you were shot."

"But I don't want to be angry with you anymore, Dad. I think Mom died without ever really knowing how much I loved her. I don't want that to happen to us."

Rick walked over to his son and pulled him into a hug. He rested his head on top of the boy's. He placed a kiss on his hair like he used to do when he was a toddler. "You don't ever have to worry about that. Your Mom knew you loved her, and I know too. It doesn't matter if you stay mad at me for now until eternity. I love you enough for the both of us."

Carl pulled away from his father and looked him in the eye. Rick couldn't believe the boy was almost the same height as him. "Do you love me, Judith, and Michonne enough to promise to never go off the deep end again?"

Rick ran a hand over his face not sure how to answer his son's question. If he was truthful with himself, he would admit him and sanity had an uneasy relationship since the day he woke up in that hospital three years ago.

"Despite everything you're great," Carl continued, "You saved us from the Wolves. You're getting this place safer. The people who used to shun you here now look to you with so much respect. You're my hero, and will probably always be. But when you go off the deep end, you fall so far. I'm scared one day you won't come back to us."

"I won't lie to you, son. I'm not...I'm nowhere close to man I was before this whole thing started. I can't promise I won't make mistakes anymore. I'm sure I have quite a few left in me. I won't apologize for the things I've done to protect my family. I would kill anyone if it meant protecting you, your sister, and Michonne. But I will promise to know when I'm about to go too far and pull myself back. I know I need to be here for all of you, and our extended family."

Carl stuck out his hand to his father. Rick was jolted by the fact he looked more like a man than his little boy. "And I promise to pull you back if you ever find that you can't stop yourself from going over."

Rick's smile radiated with the enormous love and pride he had for his son as he gripped his had tightly. "Deal."

* * *

**II.**

Michonne was awakened by gentle lips pressing kisses on her neck. She pulled the sheet tighter over her head, and let out a small groan. "It can't be seven already." she said.

"It's actually seven-fifteen," Rick said in almost a sing-song tone. Michonne scoffed at the amusement she heard in his voice from under the sheet. He reached under the covers to run a finger down her hip to her thigh and back up again. "We promised Maggie and Glenn we'd be at their house by eight, and we still have to eat breakfast and get Judy ready." He leaned down to place more kisses on her shoulder.

Michonne moaned softly. Rick's ministrations were giving her even more reason to not want to get out of bed. "Who agreed to such an early start time anyway?"

"That would be you, my love. I think you gave me several platitudes when I complained about the early time. Early bird gets the worm. Something about health and wisdom."

"_'It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom' _Aristotle said it many moons ago," Michonne mumbled; still hiding underneath the sheet.

"Yeah, that one. So you can early blame yourself for this."

Michonne rolled over and arched her back into a full body stretch. Her movements were so graceful and sensual Rick had to stop himself from pulling off his pajama bottoms and hopping into bed with her. Turning her head to look up at Rick, she gave him the lip pout that he usually found irresistible. "You're the leader. You should have vetoed me."

Rick looked at her in disbelief. "I haven't gotten you to do one thing you didn't want to since they day we met."

She swatted at him playfully before reluctantly getting out of bed. Rick watched as she walked naked into the adjoining bathroom of the master suite. "You know if we share that shower we could get ready in half the time," he said.

"That is the reason it was so hard for me to get up. You kept me up way past my bedtime last night," she said while walking back into the bedroom with her hair now up and out of her face. Still naked and holding her toothbrush, Rick didn't think he'd seen anything sexier in his life. "Why aren't you ready," she asked him. "You have been up enough to at least take a shower."

Rick leaned against the headboard. "The lady of the house gets the first shower. Thems the rules."

Michonne laughed and rolled her eyes at him. "You know you're not nearly as funny as you think you are."

"But you laughed so I gotta be at least be a little funny."

She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever, Grimes. You know it would have been nice if the house had one of those Mr. and Mrs. bathrooms. Then we both could get ready at the same time." She walked back into the bathroom. Rick heard the water turn on as she started brushing her teeth.

Michonne saying "Mr. and Mrs." struck something in him. His love for her reached deep down into his soul. They lived together and were raising their kids together. She was, for all intents and purposes his wife. He pulled himself from the bed and went over to the dresser where he kept his wedding ring. The thought of there being another Mrs. Grimes would have been foreign to him even a couple of months ago. But the thought of it now made his heart race in beautiful anticipation. Just then Michonne walked back into the room wrapped in a towel. Her skin glistened from the recent shower. Rick hadn't realized he spent so long standing there contemplating marriage. He sat back down at the foot of the bed and watched as she moisturized her skin with the lavender lotion he'd found for her on his last run.

"Have you thought of ever getting married?" He asked.

She stopped rubbing lotion on her thigh and gave him a curious look. "Is this a proposal?"

"No, well, maybe?" He gave a look that was a mix between bashful and scared.

She smiled at how adorable he was being. He looked like a scared little boy. "You're cute." She walked over to give him a kiss on the lips. He instinctively reached out to grab her hips.

"Is that cute in, 'yes Rick I want to marry you.' Or does it mean, 'it's cute that you think I'll actually marry you?'' He tried to joke, but his voice gave away his nervousness.

"You know how much I love you. You never need to doubt that. Marriage has never really been on my radar. Even in the old world. Mike wanted to, but I just didn't find it necessary. I'm not religious. My love for Mike or us being parents to Andre didn't hinge on a certificate filed by the state. It made us no less committed to being a family."

"Are you sure you're a southern girl? That sounds like Yankee talk as my grandfather would say."

"I was a very modern woman. I guess I still am." She straddled his lap and smoothed his curls from his face before kissing him on the mouth again. "Are you going to love me more tomorrow if we get married today?"

"I'm going to love you more each day no matter what." Rick said seriously. He wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Then there you go. Those titles don't mean anything anymore. Husband. Wife. It doesn't matter. What matters is Rick. Carl. Judith. Michonne. We are a family. Nothing and no one can ever tell us otherwise."

Rick kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek before reaching her lips. He inhaled her scent and basked in the intimacy of their skin to skin contact. "I guess it's still hard for me to let go of the old world," he said when he finally pulled his lips away from hers.

"It's time to let go, baby. Who would marry us anyway? Father Gabriel?"

Rick almost shuddered at the thought. "You have a point there." He looked into her eyes as he'd done so many times since they'd met. He would often look away because he was scared of what he saw in hers and what she might see in his. The gratefulness he felt for finally having the courage to look into those eyes uninhibited was immeasurable.

"I still might think about you as my wife sometimes. Old dog. New tricks. You know."

Michonne leaned her forehead against his. She sighed in contentment also feeling grateful for all that she'd gained in the last year. "I guess I'll allow it."

* * *

**III.**

Winter was no longer coming. The season had arrived. Tiny snow flurries blew through the air as Rick held a tightly bundled Judith while Carl and Michonne walked ahead of them. It was a after eight. After their talk he and Michonne had spent some time re-consummating their non-marriage.

He smiled to himself as he listened to his love and his son talk about who would win in a fight between Iron Man and Captain America. Sometimes he felt a little left out when they became deeply entrenched in their comics. Even Judith liked for Carl to read them to her.

"I never knew they were any superheroes besides Batman and Superman," he interrupted them.

"There are so many superheroes, Dad," Carl said.

"Oh, yeah. Sooo many," said Michonne, "There's Thor, Storm, Captain Marvel, Misty Knight, Rick Grimes." She gave him a wink over her shoulder.

Rick smiled and ducked his head down to try to hide the warm, red blush that was seeping onto his face.

"Oh yeah, Dad's definitely a superhero. What do you think his power should be?"

"Maybe we can turn his hand into a giant gun?" Michonne said as she mimed using her arm as a shotgun.

"Cool," Carl said excitedly. "He'll need a sidekick too."

"That'll be me of course." Michonne said.

"Trust me, baby. You are nobody's sidekick. You'd run the whole damn thing." Rick said returning her wink.

"Oooh, I like that," her face broke out into a wide smile. "What should my superhero name be?"

"Michonne. There's no name more badass than Michonne." Carl said emphatically

"Abraham is pretty badass. It's in the bible, and he saw burning bushes and shit." Abraham said as he and Rosita came up behind them to join to parade to Glenn and Maggie's.

"That was Moses, dear." Rosita said. "Ignore him. He was in his liquor stash again last night."

"If alcohol is good enough for Jesus to turn water into wine then it's good enough for me." The big man bellowed.

The small group finally arrived at their destination. They entered the backyard through the side gate and saw the rest of their family was already present. Carol and Daryl were talking quietly under one of the trees. Glenn, Maggie, and Sasha were sitting on the porch steps. Tara and Eugene were drinking coffee against the back fence. Glenn was the first to notice the new arrivals.

"Great, everyone's here. Let's get started."

Maggie handed everyone weak, water down coffee. Time to talk, visit, and have fun together was rare. Every day was about keeping the community safe. It was nice to just relax for a little while and enjoy the family reunion.

Once they finished their stale mini donuts Maggie came over to Michonne and rubbed a comforting hand down her back. "Are you and Carl ready?"

Michonne raised an eyebrow at Carl silently asking him. He nodded, and took out two smooth rocks from his coat pocket. They walked over to the new rock piles displayed in Glenn and Maggie's back yard. Rick and the rest of the group hung back as they watched Michonne and Carl add their rocks to the piles.

"Now they're complete," Michonne said to Carl.

"Yeah," he said; wiping at the tears that started gathering in his eyes.

"You're going to make me cry now, kid."

"It just feels like this is the final goodbye," Carl said.

"It's not final. Lori and Andre will always be in our hearts. They will forever live on through us." The two of them joined together in a side hug.

The snow fell harder around them. Love and lost radiated through the air. The rest of their family moved in closer each subdued in their own personal thoughts of all they have lost and all they had gained.

* * *

**IV.**

Rick was in a rush to get Judith back home. Her little cheeks were red from the harsh wind. He had to laugh at how she stuck out her tongue to try to catch the snow that was falling. She'd picked up that habit from her brother. Olivia had been trying to catch his attention for the last block finally she ran to cut off his long strides.

"Rick sorry to bother you but..." The woman was still a bit intimated by the man that was pretty much their leader now.

"But what?" Rick asked impatiently. He pulled his daughter's hood tighter around her face.

"Well, supplies are starting to get very low. We have enough food for us to eat comfortably for another two weeks or so. After that I don't know what we're going to do."

Rick scratched behind his ear with his free head and looked to Michonne. "I was worried about this. We won't be able to plant anything until Spring. I think it's time for the plan to widen our search. We'll start out with the areas right around the community and then extend it out further."

"But we've already searched those areas." Olivia said. She was wringing her hands from the cold and her nerves. She thought she felt her stop when Rick gave her a look.

"They haven't searched it our way yet," said Michonne. "We can get a group ready to go out tomorrow."

"That's the other thing I wanted to tell you. Spencer put together some guys to go on a search. He said he doesn't want to wait anymore. They're at the gate now."

Rick handed Judith over to Carl. "Take your sister home. Get her out of the cold. I'll be there after I take care of this."

Him and Michonne walked at a fast pace to the gate. Spencer knew he had to clear all runs with Rick. He knew the man was openly breaking the rules to protest his mother handing over most of the control of Alexandria to Rick.

Rick clenched his teeth together and started into a run when he saw the group packing up a car at the gate. "Spencer," he yelled out. His voice came out louder than he intended, but he was pissed. "What the fuck are you..." He trailed off when he felt Michonne's hand move to his shoulder. He looked down at her and saw her point towards the gate. A stranger was standing there smiling at them. He didn't have a "W" craved onto his forehead, but both he and Michonne went into high alert nonetheless.

The stranger sported long hair hanging from a knit cap that reminded Rick of the one Tyresse used to wear all the time. He wore a full beard and a friendly smile. He held up his hands in a defensive pose when both Rick and Michonne pulled out their weapons.

"Whoa there friends. I come in peace. My name is Jesus, and I have good news for you."

* * *

**A/N 2: So, I left room for a sequel that will probably be written at some point in the future. I want to see how the new season comes together first. See you all (hopefully) at the next fic!**


End file.
